Doctors, Diagnoses And the Mysterious Ways of the Universe

Today I went with my daughter to see a specialist in pediatric psychiatry. 

We had an appointment at 11 am. We went into the doctor's office and met this nice young woman  who asked me a few questions, but  spent (as she should have) most of the appointment observing my daughter while interacting with her. 

At the end of the day, I feel both relieved and frustrated because this doctor is the first to have noticed all my daughter's problems in just one encounter. Relieved - because my daughter will get better help; frustrated, because of all the wasted time, from the moment I took her to her first evaluation, few years ago, until today. 

While we lived in our former town, I took her to several doctors; the last one got her to do some occupational therapy and speech therapy, but she didn't pinpoint what was exactly wrong with my daughter. Her diagnosis (ADHD and speech disorder) was much lighter , so to speak, and she insisted that I keep her in a Waldorf school, since she didn't find it necessary for my daughter to get extra help. That doctor wanted to put my girl on medication for ADHD - I flatly refused, and that was that.

 

...And here, in my hometown, both the speech therapist and the psychiatrist saw her, truly saw her and her difficulties, and  a diagnosis has been established (autism spectre disorder - in short, ASD) that will help us get her the extra assistance she needs - a special school where she will get to learn in her own rhythm, behavior therapy and other manners of help. 

I do feel frustrated for all the wasted time. Time is very important for all the children afflicted with ASD, they need therapy to make progress. The later they start, the harder it is for them to get out of their set patterns. 

What my daughter has already done - occupational therapy, speech therapy, Waldorf education - all this has helped, but not enough. There have been plenty of times when she withdrew, she isolated herself from the rest of the world, not completely - but enough to refuse to learn new things and to not want to interact with her therapists and doctors, not to speak with kids at school. 

I know I have to appreciate she doesn't have full blown autism, that would have been much harder to deal with, but even so, I see her struggle to learn, to communicate, to keep up with the world around her. When it becomes too much for her, she simply shuts down. It's her way of protecting herself.

I have been doing my best to help her feel loved, protected and accepted exactly the way she is (though at the same time I've made it clear she needs to work on improving herself - no pressure there; however I'm not letting her drag her feet too much :D ) - my family has helped us a lot in that respect, as well. 

However, since she's grown, she's noticed the differences between her and normal children - and she is affected by it. She's sensitive about it. 

I can only hope this time things will really improve for her, but we'll have to wait and see. At least now we're on the right track, it would seem.

The other day I've been ranting about having to deal with seeing doctors again for the same kind of medical paperwork... but now I'm actually grateful for it. 

And I'm admitting I need to work more on being truly open minded when it comes to the ways of the Universe. Synchronicities manifest themselves, pushing us in new directions when the old ones aren't good for us anymore. It's a humbling thought - I am not the one who knows better (in theory, I know that - it's just that sometimes I forget :D ), I am simply one who needs to be always attentive to the ways of life. 

Motherhood has been such a complex life lesson for me - 9 years of extraordinary, very valuable experiences that have broadened my horizons in unexpected ways. I love being a parent - it never gets boring; this is one of the realities of my life that keep me attentive and adapting - becoming set in rigid mind patterns is simply not an option for me. 

  (image credit: childrenofbellevue.org)