Because I said so - how you're damaging the adult your child will become

Thoughts running through my head.

I saw this picture earlier and I really liked it, really got me thinking. It's depressing, the state of things, yes, but why is it like that?
Well, like the picture says, it's like that because we've grown used to it, we're used to being slaves because we have been for so long, we no longer think in terms of slaves and masters, much less slaves and freemen. It's become a given, the status quo.
But where did we learn that? 'Cause you're not born a slave, or at least, you're not born knowing you're a slave, it's an attitude that develops over time. Let's examine this a bit.
You're born, free but within limits. You must obey your parents, you're taught that very early on, and it makes sense, to an extent. But it often goes over that limit. 'Because I say so' is often the rule of thumb, in many families, and you soon learn not to question it.
Who knows, if you do, you might get sent to your room, made to stand in the corner, your privileges will be revoked. You might even get a smack or two, on occasion. The modern alternative to a whip on your back.

No, really, have you noticed how tiring it is to deal with an unruly child? You find yourself giving absurd reasons to do things like 'because you should' – well, that doesn't really answer anything, does it?
It's easier to just establish your authority as the parent (or the adult) from the get-go. Your word is rule, you are not to be questioned or argued with. Heaven knows you don't need more of that, you catch enough BS from other adults, why should you have to put up with that from your kid? He's 3, for God's sake!

Do you see yet where I'm going with this?

Okay, so we've established you're boss and the kid grows up respecting that. Respecting you. Pay attention to that word, it will come in handy later on. Then, you send him off to school where what does he find but more authority figures?
This is Mrs X, she's your teacher and you must respect that. Well, that's a bit alright, innit? Kinda like Mum and Dad...
If you think about it, it's very absurd, but it's something you don't think about, as a kid. Looking back, I can remember several teachers I was afraid of, when I was at school. And it wasn't just me, it was everyone in the class who feared them. And it occurs to me only now that's not normal. That shouldn't be how things are.

You'd often think if the teachers finds out, we're toast. But we weren't doing anything wrong, you know, mindless things like waiting on the hallway for the teacher to come to class. We weren't rude or doing anything bad...And yet, the fear was there. Because it didn't matter that I, the child, knew I wasn't doing something wrong. What mattered was the teacher had the means to punish us, if she saw fit to do so.
Through a bad grade, kicking you out of class, sending you to the principle...You could get in trouble.

Do you see the snag here? It didn't matter that you thought you weren't doing something wrong. God forbid you try explaining that! Talking back? Is that what you think you're doing, talking back to your teacher? How rude...

It wasn't talking back, it was your right to free speech. I twas the fact that your opinion and point of view mattered and ought to be respected, even if you were just a small kid. But hey, adults know best, remember?

You don't talk back, you don't express your point of view, you learned this at home.

Same with respect...

That's in the smaller classes, the older kids, I'll admit, sometimes get out of hand. I was a rebellious student myself. I remember me and this other boy getting into a huge argument with the Religion teacher at our school because he wouldn't answer a question. We weren't rude, we simply pointed out he was not answering our questions, dismantling his answers. Well, he called the principle. We were such rude little sixth-graders. How did we dare, I wonder?
As I said, I was a bit of a troublemaker, but I never set out to be rude or disturb class. What I did do was act out against the teachers I didn't like. You know why I didn't like them? Because they made me and others feel small, because they bullied us and denied our right to argue.
Quite simply, because they didn't respect us.

See, children aren't dumb. They understand what's going on and they can see when someone isn't respecting them, when they're being mistreated. And that's why a lot of those little rascals are like that. After all, how much respect do you deserve when you don't respect me? Simply because I'm smaller than you...

But hey, if you taught your kids they should respect you (and their teachers) simply because, then what do you expect? They get trampled on, walked all over. And soon enough, they grow up to be employees mistreated by their boss and by the government, abused, robbed and so on. Why? Because they grew up with authority figures all their lives.
They've been taught they do not deserve respect. If I respect myself, then I will be able to recognize if someone is mistreating me, or acting like they should not. But if I don't, I will probably put up with a lot more abuse and mistreatment...
And it all depends so much on how you're brought up, because those first twenty years of your life are crucial. They're character-forming and by teaching your child they should blindly obey and allow others to walk all over them, well, that's the adult you're building.

I'm not saying this is universal, that all kid-parent relationships are like this. They're not. But a lot of them are. Many parents seem to believe in the 'Because I said so' rule, which isn't helpful in the least.
And I'm not saying you, as a parent, should have a rule-free house or live in anarchy or whatever, but that you should treat your child first and foremost as a human being.

You deserve as much respect as I do.

Your opinion is just as important.

You might be wrong. But I might be wrong, too.

Thank you for reading,

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