The pitfalls of labeling and how to stop
Labeling kids (and ourselves) is something we often do unconsciously and in the heat of the moment without realizing that those labels tend to become self fulfilling prophecies.
The article (and others on the linked site) suggests an approach of reframing the situation and finding ways to avoid this unhelpful pitfall of parenting.
" It takes a lot of effort for parents to have the patience in difficult moments to help children refocus on the more positive storyline behind their moods but it’s worth it. After we left the restaurant we were all joking about how being hungry can make us all feel grumpy sometimes. We had turned what could have been a very unpleasant lunch battle with name calling into something pleasant. The less we focus on the negative labels and try to focus on the meanings behind the moods, the more we can help children build a positive storyline for themselves ."
Labels are ways to have a short hand so we dont get muddled with complex discussions when we dont have time. Never having time to get beyond labels leaves us with a shallow experience of life. We also tend to use labels to inform us of what we should believe, for example I cant be in favour of low taxes and a nanny state; low taxes makes me a right wing thinker and nanny state makes me a left wing thinker. Left and right wing are themselves labels that introduce all kinds of other ideas about what we must think to be cogent. But I reject these labels and all the limitations they place on our thinking.
Labeling people we love is not a good idea, especially with children, revel in all their seemingly incongruent ideas, make them question every belief.
Exactly - labels can be useful and handy as a practical communication tool but more often than not they become limiting factors to our perception of self and the world (i.e. "others") and have a negative effect on our inner freedom, motivation, compassion towards fellow beings... They are often a result of limiting beliefs. Thus it is much more useful to at least attempt to be mindful every time one labels sth and even more so if it is not a "something" but a "someone"...