P A N I C

Getting the laptop out and typing has helped me get a grip. I went into survival mode. I thought I had done something wrong. Frightened. I was supposed to help my husband tow a car. I was sleeping. When I realized what I had done he was up stairs. I heard his footsteps on the stairs. PANIC hard to swallow want to run and hide. He comes down I keep my eyes averted. Don't look at him. I don't move. I want to pick up the laptop. I don't want to attract attention to myself. I feel like a rabbit staying still so that a predictor might not see me. He doesn't hit me that I wouldn't allow ( been there done that). Physical abuse is easier to identify and reject ( for me). Withholding resources , saying I have to shake the sheets to find her, I am small built 100 pounds ,farting and holding me under the covers--not funny. I have slept on the couch for years. I have to get out of here. (we have been married legally for 30 years } Spiritually never) One of my sons just walked in he took initiative to feed and water the goats and chickens I keep on the land. I am so grateful. .I have worked jobs outside the home and almost always had income,raised four boys (Two mine, one his,one ours together)without much help, cleaned house cooked ext.. I am close to getting out.
I have become the steward of a beautiful piece of land it has a small structure on it (16ft. x13ft.) that will be my home.
I will document my progress and post on steemit.
I feel weak and need to rest now. I am fine now. @wwf