I am selling an even more awesome product. If we harmonise your monoatomic gold with the astral frequencies of Dixie Carter, we can take the world by storm with Dixie’n’Ormus!

Seriously though, have you considered entering the #comedyopenmic contest? We don’t allow bitbot use on entries, so you wouldn’t hit the top of trending, but you could win a modest amount of SBD, and the adoration of your peers. You might need to wind the satire back a little though. I mean, I’m open-minded (you have to be with those weirdos), but I think this piece takes sarcasm and psychopathic contempt for humanity to place that is a little too dark for the sunny feel of steemit.