Crypterium CEO Visits Fiat Bank, Takes 1 and 2

in originalworks •  2 years ago 

EXT. DAY - IN FRONT OF COLLAPSING FIAT BANK

A well-suited fin calmly approaches a giant, teetering glass tower while panicked analysts flee in all directions.

The board of the bank, flees past the fin, but the BOARD CHAIRMAN bumps into the CRYPTERIUM CEO by pure accident.

The Board Chairman is dragging a huge SUITCASE full of MILLION DOLLAR BILLS.

CRYPTERIUM CEO
Hi, ve are vrom Finland. Ve vant to send cvypto cuvvency thvough youv bank. Ve vill give vou, I don't knov, a veasonavle fee and ve vill thvow in some voot massages from vevy vine vadies.

FIAT BANK BOARD CHAIRMAN
Know, what? YOLO. Let's do this. Just give us .05 percent of something, sign these papers, and then shots. We should keep moving though, nobody knows which direction that thing is going to fall in and I have to take this suitcase full of money to Bermuda A.S.A.P.

FADE TO BLACK

NARRATOR (V.O.)
That is one way it could go. But what if it goes this way?

INT. DAY - SPLIT-SCREEN PHONE CALL

The PHONE at the FIAT BANK is RINGING LOUDLY. CRYPTERIUM CEO is calling and FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT answers.

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Hi, thanks for calling technical support. Tell me about your issue and we'll get it resolved as soon as we can.

CRYPTERIUM CEO
Hi, ve are vrom Finland. Ve vant to send cvypto cuvvency thvough youv bank. Ve vill give you, I don't knov, a suvstantiav vee and ve vill thvow in some voot massages from vevy fine vadies.

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Hmm. No.

CRYPTERIUM CEO
But vhy? Ve could ve such good fviends! Ve vere goving to buy voo a pony.

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
You know what, we already have two ponies. And they are really, really, really nice. Are we done here?

CRYPTERIUM CEO
No, vait, I don't thvink you understand, vith our sovftvwares voo could-

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Yes, I get it. You could take your magic internet money to buy toiletpaper at Failmart in order to help North Korea trade children for nuclear weapons. And then make me take all the heat from the IRS about it which would require more paperwork than there is existing paper on earth, by the way.

CRYPTERIUM CEO
No, vait, but don't voo see? Zee system is covvupted bevond vepair, your papervowk dilemma is evidence ov vis. Vy don't vo just do it, like, kind of on ve side, don't tell many people vo know? Ven ve give voo maybe, .03 percentage points for just you. Just call it somethings evls on papev, vike, vaste management expenses, or speciav account for gvounds maintenance. You are an american, your country has unbevievavevy insane vavs, you could find a vay if you really tvied. And voo could use your bitcoins to-

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Yeah, yeah, buy things at stores. You know what though, if I could pay my roommates rent in coin using a phone app or buy musical instruments off craigslist with a coin, that would really be enough. My monthly budget is half rent and I buy things from people at least half the time. If that was handled without the bank wouldn't that just be a huge win?

CRYPTERIUM CEO
Vell obviousvy our softwarez has done vhone to vhone trvansver since alvha version, vy are you beving sivvy? Did you not read our vite paper?

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Dude, you called me. This is an 800 number, I'm way over my average call time and have to get you off the phone or a drone is going to zap the back of my neck with a cattle prod.

CRYPTERIUM CEO
Oh, vou should have said zvere was a dezision-makev in your ovvice vivth voo, I vood vike to speaks vifth vour supervisov zan.

FIAT BANK TIER 1 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Hold please.

THE END

https://steemit.com/cryptocurrency/@originalworks/125-steem-sponsored-writing-contest-crypterium

crypterium2017

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