Change Your Question - Have you noticed that simply asking the right questions will get you out of negativity?

It's all very common that we powerlessly put ourselves in the negative category of people because we tend to have more negative thoughts than positive. Do you relate? There is that self-doubt, powerlessness, the victim mentality, fearing changes. But while we dwell on them, we all are just craving for more happiness.

I was in the same place. And although I wanted to get out of it, I didn't know what I needed to do. From what I read, they said, practice gratitude. Think of something you are grateful for. I tried. It didn't work. I tried again. Because I had this strong desire to be happier, feel free from this negative rut. I wanted to conquer fear. And along this journey, I came to realize that it was all about the habit we formed in our mind. Our mind pattern. There is a certain pattern that leads to the same cycle. And when you practice that same pattern over and over again for a long time, it becomes automatic. And that is what we really call habit.

So negative thinking is actually nothing but a habit that we have been practicing for a long time. Then why suddenly thinking of something grateful didn't work? Because we didn't understand our pattern. So in our mind we would reiterate but it wasn't really linked to how we felt about it. In order to make a lasting change, your body needs to experience it as well as your mind, which then affects your emotion. Why do we get more impact when we experience it directly rather than watching it or reading it through something other than ourselves? It's the mind-body-emotion connection. And the interesting thing that I discovered is that sometimes even before you decide in your mind, when you start to do that without thinking, that's when it really shifts your mind and emotion. Which has more impact.

So actually when you want to avoid negative thoughts, you need to have a very good understanding of your patterns first. What really is triggering you to experience negative emotion? This is what I mean by changing the question. I realized like anything in personal development, if you want to grow yourself, you need to be curious about what you are trying to grow. Which is you. You are that thing you want to grow. You are that thing you want to water, plant it well, consistently nourish whether it rains or shine, protect from harsh winters and stay patient. So if you want to grow that thing that's you, what would you do first?

I came to see mind as our atmosphere. The soil that we are planting seeds on. And when the environment is not right, nourished how will the seed grow? No matter how consistent you are, exposed to the sun for enough time, somehow it will not be growing. Because the root has been planted not in the right place. So when you look at this, this is a pattern. And when something is not working right, there is usually something missing in the pattern. And that means you just need to identify that spot and replace it in the right spot.

When it comes to asking myself questions, I thought about it. What is it doing to my mind? And I came to a conclusion that it is re-directing my mind. And our mind is very singular in this sense that when we have a direction, it's naturally putting all the energy to stay focused in that direction. So let's say you have been desiring a particular sports car. Once that thought has been planted in your mind, have you noticed that you will notice more of that sports car from that brand, from that particular color and model. That's how our mind usually operates on. If you ask yourself the question, where could I find that red sports car from this brand. You will eventually find it.

So I wanted to utilize this power that can work for me. I wanted to turn it into something resourceful. And I started asking different set of questions in the same situation. When I felt doubtful for instance, before I would be asking myself this. What happened? Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough for it? And I noticed that all these questions were directing me to focus on the problem. So as a result, all I got was more problem. What happened? I had no power. Did I do something wrong? Yes I think I did. Was I not enough for it? Yes I think I might be. You can already expect a certain answer to these questions. And this is not effective and I'm now more focused and expanding that area of my self-doubt and feeling powerless to change.

In that same situation next time, realizing this, I began to ask myself other sets of question. I wanted to be in charge of directing my mind, not being led by it. I came up with these questions. What would I need to learn from this situation? What do I need to watch out for next time to avoid this result? What can I do to change it? And as soon as I ask these questions, these were powerful. First of all, it really directed me to dig deep. And that really helped. What would I need to learn from this situation? I realized that actually doubt keeps coming up when I am exposed to this particular situation. And that's my vulnuerable spot. What do I need to watch out for next time to avoid this result? This situation has nothing to do with my feeling of doubt but actually it was rooted from my own insecurity. What can I do to change it? I need to simply recondition my mind and replace doubting thoughts with more self-believing thoughts and expose myself to it more until that new seed gets well planted in my mind. So I will dedicate 10 minutes of my time in the morning with words of wisdom related to self-belief and spend time reading and thinking about it at the start of the day.

And I came to realize the major difference here. This was way more effective because first of all, it wasn't directing me to want a quick fix. We all tend to want to do that. Skip the process and get instant gratification. That's what all the commercials hook us up with. How to get result instantly. But sooner or later we feel like we were deceived most of the times. Because actually there is no quick fix. No quick cure. It just takes time, process and that's just how it is. And when we don't understand this, we tend to get disappointed and feel helpless because we believed that they don't have power to change at an instant.

These questions I realize were actually directing me to dig deep, turn inwards. That's why I think it is powerful. Because for any real change to happen, that's the right place, we want to be in. Seeing whether that soil is fitting for that seed to be planted.

What are you patterns? What is triggering you be in that negative starting point usually? What's your vulnerability? Are you being honest with your true feelings? How much do you want to change this? What can you learn from your state? What would you do differently than the last time?