Your Robot Doesn't Work Because You Did Something Wrong

It started out as a long distance relationship. There are issues with this type of relationship and many sacrifices need to be made to keep the peace. One day I was told that I really should watch Ally McBeal. I laughed because of course I don't want to come home from work and then spend my free time watching that show. But I was wrong to not understand how serious this issue was going to grow and how it was to continue infecting and rotting my life.

After three or four weeks of harassment and verbal bullying to make me watch Ally McBeal, I finally came to the realization. Oh, my god! This is serious! I really have to watch Ally McBeal. This is really going to happen. It is just easier to watch the show than it is to keep getting yelled at all the time.

-You should watch Ally McBeal.
-No. I'm not watching Ally McBeal.
-WHY? Why not???
-Because Ally McBeal is a show for women. And I am not a woman.
-NO IT ISN'T!!!
-Yes. It is.
-How do you figure Ally McBeal is a show for women?
-Only women watch that show. And it has tampon commercials.
-No! Every show has tampon commercials. And that is a show for men, too!

I eventually learned that I am not allowed to say Ally McBeal is a show for women. I am not allowed to use the fact that a show is clearly created as content for women as the excuse I need to get out of being forced to watch any show. It is just easier to give up and it was easier to not do what I wanted to be doing instead. I was going to be treated as if I am an asshole who did something wrong when I never did anything wrong until I watched the show like I was told to do.

There were two fictional characters who were enemies of Ally McBeal on the show. One was a tall, thin platinum blonde. Gwen Stefani looks very similar but I was banned from listening to No Doubt because she looks like the actress who played the fictional evil character on Ally McBeal. The other actress who played an evil fictional character, Lucy Liu, was not banned because she isn't white. But platinum blondes were forbidden in any entertainment medium indefinitely.

Not only was it required that I watch the show, but I had to hold the phone on my face the whole hour to prove that I was in fact, watching Ally McBeal like I was told. That was still not good enough because I had to hold the phone on my face another hour after for when the show played in her time zone because how can she enjoy the show if she knew I was using the opportunity to do what I wanted to do the whole time? Finally, I had the hold the phone on my face for the rest of the night in honor and respect to the awesomeness of the show I had just witnessed. Any non-conformance was going to be an ugly fight.

Soon, I learned that the Ally McBeal show was not appreciated. Rather, it was used against me as precedence to force me into watching more programming that men don't watch because it is for women. Real World, Beverly Hills 90120, Bachelor, Bachelorette, Wedding Story marathon twice, BabyStory, every stupid show on Food Network, and on and on and on...

The worst was Oprah. There was unbelievable hell to pay if I ever said I did not want to watch Oprah because that is a show for women and I am not a woman. You have no idea! And then I had to watch the shows Oprah said everybody else should be forced to watch. And all those yaya sister pants movies, I was not allowed to say those movies are for women. Fog lens Diane Keaton makes another movie where she discusses, explores and deals with her sexual issues and desires... puke!

Over the years I have been conditioned to know that I am forbidden to say things. Even if they are common sense. For example, what would happen if I said something that is basic common sense? Like, "Men should use the men's rest room and women should use the women's rest room." Holy crap! That would betray that I must have learned nothing from being forced to watch Ally McBeal, Oprah and Kardashians. I would be a dead man if I said men should stay in the men's restroom.

SOOOOOO........... Now there is something new.

Get this. There is robotics for boys to learn and there is a completely separate robotics for girls to learn. I'm serious.

I could never repeat or remember the overly sensitive explanation offered to me. But I am not approved to teach my daughter robotics unless I am following a program that was designed specifically for girls and not designed for boys. Who knew that there was robotics curriculum based on the gender of the person who is learning robotics? I don't understand but maybe there are robotics for specific races and chosen sexual preferences.

I think my daughter is not going to learn how to build a robot. Instead, she will be taught how to play Oprah Winfrey Show Home Edition. And I think she will be taught that the reason why girls can't make robots that work is because it is the boys' faults.

I shudder to imagine what would happen if I was overheard as I innocently explained: The connection will only work if the male connector is properly inserted into the female connector. I think that would be it. No more teaching how robotics work in the house.

I am staying the hell away from whatever this gender based robotics is when I see it.