I myself is a victim of thinking of people's opinion too much. I always crave for that appraisal, approval and that likes. But deep down I always know it's not what I wanted to do. I tried to play safe too much that I eventually forgot who I really was. It is devastating. I sat there depressed, and wondering when did all of these started..

So today, I'm going to share a few tips how you could work your way towards don't give a F about what others think. Believe it or not, mostly it's just their perspective and it has nothing to do with you.

Why you care about people's opinion

1) You're jealous of what they're having, and you wish to have it

Let's face it, everyone want to be like somebody. Nobody will ever be satisfy with themselves. When we have too much obsession of what they're having, either looks, status, popularity. We tend to think what they said about us must be right. So we constantly seek approval or praise from them. But the quality that you're longing for might just be something they've sacrificed. You will never know!

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2) You're clinging onto an identity you have about yourself

You see yourself as something you should be/achieved, your identity is strengthened by peoples' opinion but not by your belief and what you stand for. For example me, I was so worried about what the world thinks of me, and I get pissed off when some of my friends telling me I'm not having this or that qualities. I once believed what they think of me must be something wrong with me. And it took me years to figure out that he was actually jealous of me. I'm not sure of what. But ya, I really believed something is flawed with me. I literally took years to find out what's wrong with me... When I think back it's a laughter haha.

So what can you do to not care that much about what people think of you?

1) Set yourself boundaries or even a firewall on who you allow into your life, people and behaviour included

Boundaries are the things that define who you are. You have to know some people are just not meant for us. That's why we have 7.6 billion people on this earth to choose from. It's insane to allow every opinion they have on us to affect us. For example me, I couldn't tolerate people with lots of dramas, saying these but doing other things. If I see these red flags, i will not allow them to my life at all. Not a single word they said to provoke me will even stick to any parts of my body. In this case, my mind.

2) In order to achieve the first advice, you need to have a higher purpose

Why do you need a higher purpose? It is this purpose my friend will guide your action in life. And action of course is affected by your thoughts. So you have to keep your thoughts clean from any contamination aka opinions from others. When you have passion, other peoples' opinion become irrelevant cause deep inside you know, that's not what I want to do, why should I care about it? So how do you find that purpose? Firstly, you can start by asking this question :

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3) Be more open with who you are

We always think that if we expose ourselves, we will be judged, we will be scrutinized etc. But often times, most of people are more kind than you think. People tend to respect your honesty. I can't guarantee each and everyone will behave like that 100% of the time, but when you put yourself more out there. You'll notice that fear will slowly fade away. And not all people are judgemental as you think :) And the plus side, you might find your soulmate faster this way! When people see the true you, they'll tend to stick with you.

4) Stop that attachment to approval and praise

Don't cling on too much on appraisal, it's easier said than done of course :) Every people love to hear a compliment a praise. BUt don't take it too damn hard and interpret it as some award you should win in this life competition. Do something because you really love it, the fulfillment of doing it, not because how people think it's cool and you should do it. Take appraisal more of a side reward. Why you have to do this? Because when people take on appraisal too hard, they tend to take criticism that hard as well. Once you couldn't get that appraisal you used to get, that compliment of how well you done, you will be more easily depressed.

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5) Look at others' opinions as their perspective and it's simply just that

Remember that moment, when someone said to you, you didn't say that at first, but actually you did? Before you go all red faced, and wanted to punch him/her on their face. What they actually meant was, I didn't hear that, I heard something else. This just shows we people, do live in two different reality! In this case, you do know what your reality is, and they do know what their reality is. So whatever they said to you either good or bad, is just their perspective and it has nothing to do with you.

Quoted from the Four Agreement by don Miguel Ruiz, This book reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering(a New York time bestseller for over 7 years, 5.2 million copies sold) :

This is what he discovered: Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. And he came to the conclusion that human perception is merely light perceiving light. He also saw that matter is a mirror — everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light — and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are. “The real us is pure love,pure light,” he said.

I definitely recommend you to read this book wholeheartedly, it explains too well in simple text why people's perception are just perception with 4 agreements at its core :

The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word
The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best”

I hope you find this post useful, and help you deal with this issue more effectively. I myself is working on that path too. It will be great if more people realise that we are just lights and mirrors. If you like it, please upvote it. If you loved it, please follow me :)