I can still remember it like it was yesterday. We started talking and flirting via social media. Next came phone calls and late night texts. Then one Wednesday night you asked me to be yours and I said yes. I was over the moon with happiness.
We could talk for hours unending. The first time I saw you was when I picked you up from school, you were nothing like your photos. You had a bigger nose, dark distant eyes & crooked teeth.
You came off as plain and simple, with a hint of nastiness. You dressed like a lad, walked with so much pride like you were the greatest human being on the planet.
I looked past all that and saw what I thought at the time was a good personality. You knew what to say and when to say it. You made me smile and laugh and forget about the negative things in life.
I vividly remember the first time I allowed you to stay over. I saw it as an opportunity to get to know you deeply, but you saw it otherwise. I remember you forcing me to take my clothes off, I remember it as the day I saw another side of you, the real you.
I pushed you off me and told you no. You got angry and started calling me a prude and a tease and a slut. Then you did the unimaginable, you hit me! I layed there crying my eyes out, trying to figure out what did I do to deserve that..You said you loved me. How could someone who loves you do that?
I acted as if nothing happened,that everything was perfectly fine, even though on the inside I was crumbling to pieces and I was petrified.
You went home the next day.I wanted to break up,you grabbed me forcibly and screamed in my face that I wasn't allowed to break up with you. You left bruises on my wrists. I began to clearly see your true colours,I was scared for my life.
The following weekend you invited me to stay at your house. I got there and you weren't even there. But when you did get there the first thing you did was hit me! I couldn't believe it. You had been sweet the days leading up to it. I thought maybe things would be different. I guess not. You dragged me to your room and sat on top of me ripping my clothes off me. By this time I was bawling my eyes out screaming at you to stop. But you would just slap me and say 'shut the fu*k up mole'. You covered my mouth with one hand and wrapped your other hand around my throat and said this is gonna hurt a little sweet pea. I screamed in pain and Wriggled around trying to push you off me. But every time I moved you would just punch me. I eventually gave up.
When you were done, you threatened me and said I wasn't allowed to leave the house that weekend, then you blacked out. I remember staying up most of the night crying and finally fell asleep at dawn. When I finally woke up, you were gone and I never saw you again.
I went home & locked myself in my room. I didn't eat for days, staying clear of everybody. Even being near my own brother petrified me.
Two weeks later I finally got the courage to tell someone what had happened. I reported it and they said "there's no evidence, you waited too long we can't charge him"
I was outraged, after everything I went through you would get away with it.
Every single night since the incident I've had nightmares. I scrub at my skin every day trying to get the image of your grimy hands off me. Not a day goes by where I don't get reminded of what happened. The ultrasound of a 12 week old child in my belly will forever be next to my bed. The daily reminder that you had me jumped and made me miscarry.
After everything that you have put me through,there are many things I could say to you. Many of those words may not be very nice and most of them probably wouldn't make a difference to you in any way. There are so many things I could say to you but I only have two things to say to you.
1. Thank you. Thank you for showing me that not every guy who says I love you and acts sweet means it .
2. I hate you and I hope karma gets you real soon..There is no hope in holding onto the anger and sadness of something that was not real.
Holding a grudge against you only harms me. In order to love who I am, I cannot hate the experiences that shaped me.
I maybe bent and broken because of you, I may actually never be the same but maybe,just maybe..that is a great thing, a blessing in disguise.
Of all the things you have taken from me, my Self Worth is not one of them. I realize I may never get the many things you have taken from me, but this one thing, I refuse you to have.
So I forgive you.
You dragged me down down so far, I was forced to lift myself back up. Me,Myself & I.
I choose to forgive you because what you did to me has made me smarter & stronger.
The girl who is so much happier now.
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Looking forward :) Happy Writing Everyone, xo. PS;NotBasedOnatruestory
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