BREAKING CRYPTOCURRENCY NEWS

Person on social media, "Crypto Mickey Mouse," named after the cartoon character, knows exactly what will happen next to Bitcoin. They are a godlike Chad trader with more than $1,000 skin in the game, claimed to own a whopping .02 Bitcoin, 3 Litecoin, 13 Ripple, and .69 Ethereum. Their 8 months experience via the account they started in January, has validated their each & every claim. Straight up market genius, never once have they been even close to wrong, always right. "It's not hard" said Crypto Mickey Mouse, "to be right every time. You simply have to delete the bad tweets. Oh wait I wasn't supposed to say this was I, can we delete this from the article?"

Resume includes sitting around in dirty underwear in parent's basement hoping for better days, arguing with anonymous cartoon characters on social media about if Ripple is the standard or not, master McDonald's fry cook (will give you an extra chicken nuggie in your order almost every time), and somehow always manages to wear the coolest fedora at any given party. Makes strong claims that you should never @ him personally or he will have to like, prove you wrong by staying up all night, or something.

Crypto Mickey Mouse could possibly be the savior that we need in this treacherous bear market. Only 3 spots remain in his paid group. One Bitcoin equivalent as a fee to join, in order to learn all the secrets that nobody else will ever know. Spots going quick- started with around 3 many months ago. Get yours before this deal, which obviously is too good to be true, ends with you not knowing exactly what he knows. He's only down about 88% on the year after buying Dragonchain because he saw someone shilling it on twitter at $2.50. Claims it will come back though, is the next Bitcoin.

If you are interested in making fast money, & I mean quicker than governments printing fiat, then I suggest you join his paid group immediately before the last spot is sold out. Guaranteed 1% per day or will disappear with your money. Wait no, I mean your money back, definitely will offer full refunds and a warranty. What will you choose? Will you be the 100th member of his paid group? He doesn't need the money, only strives to offer new traders the best advice, since his 8 months experience in cryptocurrency markets, basically have provided him with a blockchain bachelors degree.