Last Letter to Lexxieboy!

in ocd-resteem •  7 months ago

Wishing I could do so much more!

A final letter to you. That is all what's left for me to do for you. Unfortunately, because what I would have liked to do more for you. And what did I grant you to get a different farewell as what you have now had! That it had to end this way hurts, it hurts badly that this just happened to you! Such a painfully abrupt end to your life.


We hope so much that we have made the right choice for you, that we have not decided too quickly to let you go. But dear Lex, you were so sick, you were so weak, and you had so little chance. You were feeling really horrible last Thursday. And suddenly so fast! So unexpected, so out of nowhere. One moment you are still playing with Myla Mouse. Boss is just like every evening giving water to all vegetables and fruit trees that we have, I was making some pictures myself, sunflowers against a setting sun. How symbolic can it be? And suddenly we heard that things were not going well with you. You had to vomit, but you couldn't.

Lexxieboy don't eat the flowers!

We thought you might have been eating from the plants again. Oh Lex, I'm sure you remember this one! How often Boss said to you, "Lexxieboy do not eat the flowers!", and then it seemed like you were laughing, you were pulling a mischievous snout and walking quietly to a piece of grass or weeds. Perhaps you had eaten some weeds that you could not tolerate, or maybe you had started eating sand again. But that would be weird, because you ate more often sand and you never got sick of it. At the second time I heard that you had to vomit, and nothing came out again, I went to you. Boss was already with you, and he told me that your stomach was completely swollen. I was shocked, and immediately went inside to call my sister and her friend. I immediately thought of the dreaded stomach torsion and I knew only one thing for sure. You had to go to a vet as soon as possible. That means to us because we no longer have a car that we always have to ask someone else to ride. And now every second would count for you.

Panic, you needed a vet!

The attempts to vomit became more intense, your stomach swelled harder and white foam came out of your mouth. We tried to support you and keep you calm. And sweet as you always were, you put your whole trust in us. You stayed with us while you became weaker by the second, and we see you become more and more miserable. The foam that came out of your mouth became more and more and there was also blood dripping out of your mouth. Boss and I looked at each other and hoped that we could reach the vet on time, before it was too late for you. Transport was on its way and the vet was informed that we were coming with you.

You won't go into the car!

Last Thursday you could hardly walk anymore, you were already so weakened. Yet you tried to turn away from that car when boss and I lead you to the car. That's what boss and I thought was weird Lex. Driving has always been your biggest hobby. And now that you finally got back in a car, you did not want to get in? Was it just because you knew that car wasn't ours, and were you afraid that we won't go with you? I hope it isn't this, because Lex, you had to know, we would never leave you! Or have you already felt that it would be your last ride in your life? I wish I knew what went through you then. What do you think Lex? I wish you could just tell me!

Rushing to the vet!

Once we got in the car we decided that my sister would stay home with your friends and you went to the vet with boss, me and sister's boyfriend. You were sitting with boss in the back seat, and you also seem to find your positive attitude again. You fought against the vomiting and even tried to enjoy driving. As we were used to, you put your muzzle on the parcel shelf and went to look outside. Unfortunately, the blood kept coming out of your mouth so we knew your condition was getting worse.

A stomach torsion with spleen bleeding!

Once at the vet she was waiting for us outside, and you had to be lifted from the car by boss because you could not walk anymore. On the stretcher inside and there you were the first to get an infusion against the pain. A quick examination showed that you indeed had the dreaded stomach torsion, and that you also had a spleen bleeding due to the rotation of your stomach. Your oxygen was already pinched and your stomach was full of poisonous flows by now. The vet gave us 3 choices. Try to poke you so that your stomach would empty, the gas could go out through the hole and then hope that your stomach would turn back enough to be able to probe you so that the poison could get out of your stomach. But the chance that it would succeed in this way was so small that she was already almost certain that after this you would have to undergo surgery, and of course you still had that spleen bleeding. That was an extra complication, which meant you had to undergo surgery, and the chance of a good outcome was even smaller than he already was! To put you under anesthetic and hope that you would survive that operation was already a big risk, with a small chance of survival, but the chance that you would come out of the operation well and would really recover, that was almost not present.

We had to choose ... To say goodbye!

And then the third option. The option of which almost every dog ​​owner knows that this is going to happen. But of which every dog ​​boss hopes that it will not happen. The hardest and toughest option, but we felt it as the most honest option towards you. Save you from further suffering and let you go. Say goodbye to you forever. But Lexxieboy, never ever think we wanted to make that choice. We have made the choice out of love for you, because we wanted to save you even more suffering. You had suffered more then enough in your life ...

Your Story!

And that Lexxieboy, is a story, what it deserves to be told. Because what did you have to experience a lot during your life? Life was really not easy for you. But what were you easy for life. What were you easy to live with. You were always happy for all the little things you could get. Unfortunately, your allergies only made it less and less. You were always happy if you could eat bread for breakfast. But because of your gluten allergy you could not have that anymore. Although we have sometimes bought gluten-free bread for you as a treat. And then you were feasting, you looked at us with your eyes and was really very grateful that you had received something like that.

Funtimes with cocktail nuts!

With snacks the same story, a lot of what you liked, you could not have. Boss and you always did a nice game together with cocktail nuts. Do you remember Lex? Boss a borrelnootje before rolling away, and you it with your paw, well ... say but rest easy big legs, stop and then delicious to play with it before you eat it. You enjoyed these little things. And boss enjoyed you having fun and enjoying it!

Guardian Angels for you Lexxieboy!

Boss was always happy that you had a guardian angel on your shoulder so he could save you from the shelter where you spent four years. At the age of one year you have already sprung from the dance of death. Did you actually know that? Probably you did, you were always a very smart guy! When boss encountered you in the shelter, he immediately fell in love with you, and that love was mutual! You were also crazy about boss! Boss was everything for you and as long as you could be with boss, it was good for you. Unconditional loyalty you gave to your boss and you gave your trust completely!

Subscription to the vet!

Soon after the boss had taken you out of the shelter you got a 'subscription' to the vet. And every week you cheerfully went to the vet with the boss. I write cheerfully, and I really mean that, because no matter how miserable you felt, you were always happy. You also had humor! You also kept your happy self with the vet, and you looked around the corner of the door with your mischievous snout. But whatever happens, you had unlimited trust in boss and you allowed everything. You were quickly known to the vet and everyone loved you. You stole everyone's heart with your loyalty and your sweet face.

You stole my heart!

In 2012 I met your boss and soon I got to know you too. And again you had stolen a heart more. I too fell for your charms. Your wise gray snout and your beautiful faithful look. The way you are cheerful and free to meet everyone, with your unconditional confidence in the people and especially in your boss. If boss liked it, it was good for you too. You were super thin and it was clear that the allergies were a big problem. Baas had already stopped going to the vet every week because you did not get better, rather the opposite. But even then you were happy and positive, you played when you could. Together with my boss, with me and also with Lana when she was taken by the boss and me out of the shelter where you also made acquaintance with her.

Back to a farmhouse!

And slowly there was worked towards a new period in your life. You also got to know Rowan and Myla together with me, and we went for hours of walks with all of you, we went to play and we went to the boat on weekends. How wonderful it was to see your enjoying snout if you were allowed to sit on the boat on deck ... The ride to the boat where you sat with Rowan and Myla in the back seat. You quietly looking out and Rowan and Myla were worried about being allowed to come along. You found it best, and once again you showed your ability to trust. If boss did it, you thought it was good. And even now I was amazed by your stable character. Your modesty, but still your emphatic presence. Another great adventure was our move. You will no doubt have felt almost like coming home. After all, you were born on a farm, and you had lived there until you ended up in the shelter at the age of one. And now so many years later, you came to live on a farm again. What did you enjoy the freedom. Work together with Myla Muis and boss outside in the yard. And what did we enjoy it to see you so happy! Everywhere we went outside, you were there, every step we take ... you were by our side. Just being happy to be with us, enjoying our company and enjoying the space you had.

Missing you!

There were 2 moments a day Lex on which you took the lead. And where you clearly showed what you wanted. As quiet as you always were, so clearly let you know if you were hungry. And you know that I often have been bothered by the loud barking if you wanted to have your cup of kibble! What will make you laugh now, when you hear me say that I just miss your barking. Yes you hear the good, sweet Lex, I miss your barking. I miss that no one is barking like it's the woofs mac drive here at home. I miss that you are not barking at Rowan now that he has to keep quiet. I miss your gray snout who looks at me happily when I've been away for a while. I miss your faithful look that tells me that you want to talk to me for a moment, and the way in which you indicated with your paw that you wanted to be tickled. I miss your walk to the door which told me it was time to go outside. I miss your faithful eyes who look at me questioning in the morning whether you can sleep in bed. I miss ... ah Lexxieboy, I miss your presence. I miss your sweet character, your sweet face and just your being. Dear Lexxieboy, We miss YOU!

Of course we have 3 dogs at home, and they are all equally sweet to me. But they are not Lexxieboy. They are not you. And you were unique with all your being. Like you, there is no other. And they too miss you.

Broken hearts!

And then we are back at last Thursday evening. The evening we had to let you go. The evening on which you made your last ride to the vet. The evening when the heart of boss and me is broken and the evening when your heart stopped beating for good. The evening when you had to close your eyes forever. The evening when life has come to a standstill and a beautiful soul has gone to the 'eternal dog paradise'.

What did you feel?

I would have loved to know what you thought and what you felt. But I will never know. You can not tell me Lex. And even if you could tell it, Would you have told me? Or had you kept quiet, just to make it less difficult for us? Because that's how you were, a loyal friend, a big support ... always willing to give yourself away. The only thing I hope is that you have felt safe until your last moments. That you have felt supported and that you have known that boss and I were there for you. That we love you so much, and that we therefore let you go. Way out of this life, free from further suffering, but never away from us.

Boss loved you when he picked you up in the shelter to go home, and the boss also loved you when he decided to say goodbye to you last Thursday. I loved you from the moment I met you, and I also loved you when I said goodbye to you on Thursday evening. And now you're out of this life ... but you know Lex, our love for you just continues to exist.

Deafening Silence!

So unexpected and so ... I do not really have any words for it. I can not understand it yet, it is still so unreal. You're still playing like that, and you're gasping for breath. So you still enjoy the sun and so you lie on the table at the last infusion at the vet. So you look at me in the morning when waking up cheerfully questioning and so close your eyes forever, so you bark against Rowan and so you will be silent forever ... And that silence is ... deafening!

upside down.png

All good things
Must come to an end,
And we had to say goodbye
To you Lexxieboy, our very best friend.

The house will seem so still,
Now that you are gone.
There'll be no you to wake me up
To go outside at dawn.

Your bowl will be there empty,
But I'll leave it with the others in their place.
No more will water drip down
From your thirsty, furry face.

There'll be no Lexxieboy to bark
When the other dogs bark if the paper boy comes by.
It's going to be one of those moments
When I'm sure I'll want to cry.

And yes there are three other dogs
But they are just not you
And even though we love them just as much
They too are missing you

But I know the day will come,
When my tears will finally fade,
And I'll focus on the good times,
and all the fetch we played.

So until the day that we
Can be together once again,
I'll keep your memory alive
'Til we meet in Heaven, my dear friend


You may be gone, but you NEVER will be forgotten!

We love you Lex!

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Hi hetty-rowan,

Your post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Keep creating awesome stuff! Have a great day :)

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Thank you so much @curie! It really means a lot to get this kind of appreciation for this post!

Sorry to hear about lexxieboy Hetty :( it's a great tribute post and you've been brave posting about such an emotional moment in your life. My thoughts are with you.

Your post has been selected as #adsactlyspostoftheday :)

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Thank you @adsactly, @princessmewmew, it really means a lot to feel this appreciation on this post.

This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.

Thank you @c-squared, this means so much to feel the support for this post.

Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so very sorry. They aren’t here long enough but the imprint they leave with us is immeasurable. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever personally had to endure. Losing my boy Bandit. I know the pain. Just know that Lex felt the love immensely and you did the right matter how hard. ❤️😞❤️


We really hope he felt the love all the way, and sorry you had to feel the same pain ... Thank you for your kind words.


Oh he did. No doubt about it. That’s all they know is love and comfort...My heart is with you all ♥️

hij is nu achter de konijntjes aan het rennen in de hondjes hemel... i know this hurts more than people can imagine sometimes.. i feel with you


Ik kan alleen maar hopen dat hij idd lekker rond rent nu, zonder pijn, zonder zorgen. En ja het doet idd meer pijn dan sommige mensen kunnen begrijpen. De zin "Het is MAAR een hond" gaat voor ons niet op. Dankjewel voor je reactie!

Puppies have 28 teeth and adult dogs have 42.

Beautiful poems bro nice collections keep it up

Sorry for your loss! ((hugs))


Thank you. hugging

What a beautiful friend...and what a beautiful tribute! So sorry for your loss.


Thank you for your sweet words ... I wish writing this was never happened, and that we still had our beautiful friend. And beautiful he was ...

I'm sorry for your loss, dogs are indeed man's best friend.


Yes dogs are man's best friend and it's really heartbreaking when you had to let go of your beloved friend. Thank you for your kind words.

Awwwww Hetty I am so sorry you had to say goodbye. This is a beautiful letter. I am sending you love through my tears <3


Awww thank you for your sweet words, I'm sorry I brought tears in your eyes ... but I feel the love in your words and thank you for that! <3

Dogs truly are the greatest gift. This is beautiful. Lex looks like the sweetest dog ever. I am so sorry for your loss and i hope that you are able to find comfort during these times.


Thank you so much for your sweet words, and it's so true, dogs really are the greatest gift. I find som little comforting things, but I'm not over it yet. Every day there are tears, we still miss Lex very deeply.

I said the rest somewhere else.



Thank you <3 And yes the photo's were always important, but in good times, only the really beautiful photo's count. Now he's gone, now he has left us forever ... every photo is beautiful, it doesn't matter if the photo is technically right or wrong. And it doesn't matter if both his ears are cut off, it still is Lexxieboy! And that's wat matters now.

Een heel mooie post, en een schitterend gebaar. Ik weet niet of dat wel het goede woord is. De foto's zijn geweldig. De warmte die je voelt (express tegenwoordige tijd) voor hem spat van je tekst af. Het moet heel moeilijk zijn geweest dit in elkaar te zetten. Ik vind het heel knap dat je de woorden hebt gevonden om uiting te geven aan je liefde, je twijfel en je verdriet.

Ik hoop dat het een beetje helpt bij de verwerking. Heel veel sterkte voor jou en de rest van je gezin.


De warmte die ik voor hem voel zal ook altijd blijven bestaan. 5 jaar geleden, 5 maanden geleden, 5 weken geleden, 5 dagen geleden, 5 uur geleden, over 5 uur, over 5 weken, over 5 maanden, over 5 jaar ... het maakt niet uit ... er zal altijd heel veel liefde en warmte voor Lexxieboy zijn. Hij was uniek ... Hij wordt gemist. Dankjewel voor je lieve reactie.


Het is heerlijk om te zien dat zoveel mensen met jullie meeleven en dat ook laten weten. Wanneer je een keer even een dip hebt moet je gewoon alles nog een keer lezen. Dat zal tranen opleveren, maar ook oplucthing geven. Doen hoor!

Meis tranen met tuiten weer hier, wat leg je je gevoel er mooi in uit, hoe herkenbaar voor andere mensen die ook hun vriend hebben moeten afgeven. Wat een prachtige hond was het. Ik en ik denk niemand kan spreken vanuit de hond, maar ben er zeker van dat hij het top heeft gevonden bij jullie, en dat hij trots op jullie is om te kiezen voor een korte lijdensweg , misschien als hij hij zelf had mogen kiezen, dat hij gekozen had voor de andere opties, dat kan,maar enkel om jullie het verdriet te besparen, want zo een hond lijkt het. Ik ken je niet maar zoals je praat over en door je honden, hebben jullie het prachtig gedaan, honden ouders om trots op te zijn. Sterkte lieverd! aan iedereen.


Dankjewel voor je lieve woorden ... en ja ik weet eigenlijk wel zeker dat Lex anders had gekozen. Hij was kei hard voor zichzelf, alles om ons van verdriet te sparen. We weten dat we het goed hebben gedaan ... maar het doet nog steeds pijn om op deze manier afscheid te hebben moeten nemen. Zo abrupt, en met zoveel pijn voor Lex. Ik hoop dat hij nu vrij van pijn rond rent in het hondenparadijs.


Thank you!

Nothing like the unconditional love of our fur babies 👶. I too have lost a dog, and the void will always remain open however cherish the good times and love you had with Lex.


I do cherish the good times and love, for sure ... but to see all the good times before my very eyes, makes it even harder to miss him now. And yes their love is unconditional ... sorry you have lost a dog too. They can not change it, but they definitely die too young!



Thank you!

Beautiful letter and poem.. it teared me up too, like I expected.. even though I did not know Lex, I have read lots of things about him because you told me or wrote on Steemit.. He was so loved.. breaks my heart that he had to go this way.. I hope writing it down will help you heal a little bit <3


I had hopes that it would help me healing. But like I said yesterday, I knew all the time that this would affect me, but I had no clue it would be that much. Life really has come to a standstill and I still have trouble finding a new routine. Every day I have my moments that I walk outside in the garden, and my eyes fool me, and see Lex there. Impossible, but it happens! No I'm not over it yet ... Thank you for your words and understanding <3

And so the time will come to see each other again, till then, you have wonderful memories to make you company.


True ... and yes, I know the time will come to see each other again. But I'd rather had Lex, then memories. How beautiful they may be ... it's not the same. And yes, I will get used to it. Thank you for your kind words, and reminder <3

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beautiful letter, hetty ; __ ;

i had to let go of my doggo two years previous and it still devastating even today. lexxie was obviously loved, and loved strongly, by you and your little family, and he had a good life so, all the hugs in the world for you in this mournful time....

much love,
a spider


Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes Lexxie was loved, and still is very much loved. We miss him and will always love him. Sorry you had to let go your doggo, and I believe that even today, it still is devastating. I know it will be the same for us. The love for a dog is so intens, they give so much ... hugs for you too!

What a beautiful, warm, heartfelt, and touching tribute. It seems that Lexxieboy was as lucky to have you as you were to have him. Virtual hugs to you... ❤️


Thank you, we were happy to have Lexxieboy ... and I really like to believe that he was happy to have us!

What a beautiful farewell letter, Hetty. I am so touched reading it, and if Lexxie can read, I'm sure he would be as well. He was lucky to have been rescued and you were lucky to share your life with him. Gorgeous friendship that you have together <3.
Now I will hug my doggos in the memory of Lexxie.


Aaahhwww I hope you hugging your doggo's as often als you can ... and I know you will. In the memorie of Lexxie <3

Thank you for your warm words!


I hug them often but it’s never enough when the time comes to say goodbye ;_;.
I’ll send a virtual hug to you as well 🤗.

Aww @hetty-rowan I am so saddened by your post. I too know the feeling of losing a beloved pet unexpectedly, suddenly and having to make a decision that you know in your heart if the right one, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.

I'm not sure if you've ever heard this poem before, but it's one that someone gave to me years ago when I was standing in similar shoes as yours, and I hope it gives you some bit of comfort during this very difficult time.

Sending lots of love and big internet hugs your way.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...


Thank you so much. As I told you ... I've read this poem before, but not with this ending. And this ending teared me up once again. But that's okay. I really really hope with all my heart that it will happen this way one day. <3


I do too @hetty-rowan!! I have several dear friends that I would love to see again ❤️

This touched my heart. I hope joy replaces sorrow and loss.

I bet he is patient and waits for you.
Don't forget the treats. :)

Love and Light.


Thank you for the love and light, we need it. And no we won't forget the treats. He can get as much cocktail nuts as he wants when we finally see each other again.

I wish I could put a 1000% vote on these words. Every dog owner knows how this feels and you managed to put very honest and well chosen words on it.

I know this post was not easy for you to write, but you gave your Lexxiboy a well deserved last honor on th blockchain.

Be strong li'l lady! <3


Aaahw thanks girl! And indeed, this was the hardest post ever untill now ... I'm trying to be strong. And most of the time I think it works ... and then I 'see' Lexxie ... and tears again.

I'm so so so sorry to hear this. My love and support go to you and your family. This is such a touching tribute to Lexxieboy


Thank you for your warm words.

I'm so sorry for your loss - that he had to leave so unexpected. I really cried when I read your post. But don't question your decision to let him go - it was the right thing to. You gave him a home and he was loved so much and now you did let him go in love - there is nothing more one can do <3 ......sending you love and healing energy


Yes it was the right thing to do ... but no matter how well we know that, there still is the feeling "What if we had ... ", and the way we had to say farewell now is just ... heartbreaking, devastating. We did the right thing, and you must put your own feelings aside in this kind of situations ... but it's hard. Very hard. And he is missed so much. Thank you for your love en healing energy!

All words a said already - and to be honest I don't know what to say.
I really had difficulties to read the post - so emotional.
Think about the good time you gave him and he gave you.
Sterkte @hetty-rowan en jouw familie


I knew you would having troubles reading this post, and I'm sorry for that ... I know that you are emotional because of your Snoop too. Hope he can get some extra time!

Yes we try to think about the good times ... the times we had each other.

Dankjewel voor je warme lieve woorden!

A truly heartbreaking story! A lovely goodbye by those who loved him and he loved back!


Thank you for your sweet kind and caring words.

Made me cry & hug my dog, it’s easier for us to outlive them then it would be for them to outlive us 💚


Hug your dog every day, and more. Yes it's easier for us to outlive them, but it hurts so much ... the gap of missing him is big and can never be refilled.

Sxo sad, so true, and beautiful!
Lexxie boy, you are loved, loved, loved, and even strangers across the globe see your face and hear about you from @hetty-rowan and share the loss. Yes, there are other dogs, but the are not you. You live in our hearts! (Meet my own dearly departed Blaise and Bailey, and takes long walks in the woods with them please!)


I'm sure Lexxieboy will meet your dear Blaise and Bailey, even as Micky, Rheno and Niska ... and much much other dogs. At least ... that's what I hope! That all the dogs we've lost have a terrific time together. But as long as they are in our minds, in our hearts ... they will live forever. And they have the luck to be loved very deeply!

I am so sad to hear of your loss @hetty-rowan. It is always so hard to say goodbye. We have had to do it twice in the last five years, and sadly will again very soon. It is something that will never get easier to do. All we can do is take consolation that they are no longer suffering and that perhaps we spared them some more of it. I do hope you can focus on the great memories and make many more with the other three still with you.


Thank you for your warm words ... and for the beautiful words you used to announce Lexxieboy's letter in de Showcase. And I'm so sorry you have to go through this horrible pain again. I don't have words for the pain it causes you, and I know I can't comfort you ... but a virtual hug I send you. Time will heal ... but the pawprints are in our hearts and the memories never get lost.

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Thank you for sharing so beautifully, Hetty. They do capture our hearts, don't they?
I have thought that I'd need to write something similarly, but have been blessed to be able to put it off longer than expected. You can read about our ol' girl here ( 1, 2, 3 & 4 ), if interested. You'll see some similar thoughts. I still get people asking how she's doing sometimes.


Thank you for your words, I'm gonna check out your posts. Enjoy as long as long as you can and be thankful for every moment.