Another day in paradise
I've always had hope, just not a lot of motivation. Over the years there have been many examples of a way to exist without prompting the universe to deliver. One that is popular is TAOism, the art of doing nothing. The results of this philosophy is expressed in accepting the natural chain of events without interfering only making the observations. Only problem with that is the chain of events transpired before me are all disruptive to productivity. In fact, it's as though evil forces are set against me personally, corrupting loved ones, driving a wedge between wholesome and successful activities that have value and quality of life potential and myself and by default us as a family unit.
It's very heartbreaking to observe the cycle of addiction played out before me, and be powerless to stop it. How can people accept this, defending it with their voices and actions, calling it a sub-culture and something to be proud as a part of. Perpetualting despair, using counterintuitive thinking to justify an ultimate failure in taking responsibility for one's own actions, then casting the stones of ridicule and accusation that are not only hurtful but profoundly inaccurate. This is more than just a challenge it's an impossibility.
The most frustrating part of the process of recovery is always convincing an addict they have a problem, it's even worst when compounded by the means to obscure it, when it's so clear ... only friends and relations that could and should help themselves are in a denial of their own. Enabling the behavior to continue using their purposeful ignorance to convince the addict they can prevail over the statistics, that provide all the indications their condition and continuation are a pathway to self destruction. There is nothing romantic about this trend. It's end is always the same a violent whimper, submission and death.
As I slowly die inside. as a failure to prevent so much sadness. I attempt to push myself forward, educating myself on ways to provide a better way of life, because this plight is most devastating on the poor and underclasses of society. literally I was told last night, what a loser I am, a fuck up not even a man...when I asked why...her response was...cause you exist...I'm not even taking that seriously, however what I do take seriously is how much pain she must be in to say those things. How much I can't do to heal her and how distant her reality and the delusion others have provided her is from the version of existence I know is possible, had I been smarter, or overcome the endless disadvantages my community endures. The whole while I sit at these keys only getting a glimpse of the possibility I must prevail. Cout {"hello world"}