Chapter Thirty Four - Louis Berry's Novel - Erstwhile

Chapter Thirty-Four

The store was empty. The door was locked. A red sign with the letters C-L-O-S-E-D in white hung on the door facing the outside atrium, and was visible to anyone who approached. Richard looked around and appreciated the work that he and Susan had put in, together, to make the store what it was. A mere shell remained. Occasionally a customer stopped at the door, saw Richard inside and tapped on the glass. The first couple of people who appeared were greeted by him yelling at them through the locked door that the store was closed. When he got tired of that approach he just brushed aside their inquiries with a polite wave of his hand and a smile. The overwhelming sense that he was letting them down caused him to feel as though he should crawl into a dark hole and away from anyone who knew the seediness that resided deep within his soul. These were wonderful people who had supported his desire to be a shopkeeper. He knew that there was no way he could prosper in Erstwhile. There were too many things that haunted him. He needed everything to be perfect and wanted Susan to be a part of his quest for unconditional happiness.
They had not spoken since his confession, some-thing to which he had grown accustomed. Regardless, he was able to sleep without interruption. Everything that he learned about himself provided an insight that he had never enjoyed. Although she had yet to confirm her infidelity, he knew that he could forgive her with every ounce of his being. Somehow they had to find a way to exist together.
Richard rubbed his twitching eye as he walked into the back room. Once inside he stopped and looked around for a box. His eyes came to rest on the window-sill where there was an empty bottle of Maker’s Mark. He shook his head in disbelief and continued to look around. He smiled when he saw the quilt that he and Susan used to share an afternoon of passion, neatly folded and placed on a shelf. Lovemaking with her had never been boring or become stale. It was his selfishness that drove them apart. Why should she not be allowed to give the same pleasure to others? Richard laughed at the thought. That was one place he had never allowed his mind to go, but he realized that all humans could share a physical experience. Not every couple held the sacred bond that he felt for his wife.
He removed the empty bottle from the ledge with his right hand as he grabbed an empty box from a stack next to the window with his left. He dropped it into the container and began to make his way into the front room of the store. When he walked through the door he heard a vigorous rapping on the front window. At first he did not look up, choosing to ignore whom-ever it was. The knocking continued. Finally, he made his way to the back of the aisle that aligned with the spot where the person stood. It was Talitha. He smiled at her, and she at him. With the box still in his hand, he walked to the front door, unlocked it, and let her in.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I was about to start packing everything. I hope that I can get credit from my vendors,” Richard said, refusing to look her in the eye.
“Why?”
“You’re right. I guess I could give it to people in need.”
“No … why are you leaving?”
“Because I have finally realized that it is impossible to overcome one’s past. I knew that it was a mistake to come here, but I did it because it was a familiar setting.
“Stay here and help me irritate the hell out of these rednecks,” Talitha said.
“I really do like you.” He laughed. “Don’t worry! I won’t grope you again.” He felt obligated to reassure her. “I think you and I are a lot alike. We have faced a lot of the same challenges. The only difference is that you’ve found the inner peace that I am still searching for.”
Talitha was not sure how to respond. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Don’t you have to be at work?”
“I can take a day off. I never miss work so I probably have two months of personal days available.”
Richard handed her the empty box he had in his hand. “I would appreciate your help. Just make sure that anything that you take off the shelf goes into the box that it came in. That way I can return it for credit.”
Talitha took the box from him and pulled the flaps away and saw the empty bottle of whiskey. She grabbed it, held it up and asked, “What’s this?”
Richard’s initial thought was to lie and say that he found it in the back room. He hesitated as he gave more consideration to being a person to be respected. “That … is my albatross.”
Talitha did not respond to his characterization, other than to say, “Top-shelf whiskey. You’ve got ex-pensive taste.”
“You don’t know how expensive,” he muttered. Attempting to end the conversation, Richard searched for another box for himself, so he walked back into the storeroom. Talitha searched the shelves for the product’s logo that matched the one on the container she held. When she found it, she knelt down and began to order-ly remove the bottles, gingerly placing them in the container.
Richard emerged from the back room. He could not see his friend but heard the clink of bottles as she packed them away. “Talitha,” he called to her over the top of the shelves.
“What?”
“I’m really not a racist.” He felt the statement was obligatory. Her accusation stung and he needed her respect.
“I know that,” she called back. “I’m sorry that I leveled that accusation at you. I’m not sure why I did it.”
“It was probably just a defense mechanism.” He could have gone without saying what he said next, but something made him feel as though he needed to give credence to his statement. “My best friend in high school was black.”
Talitha impulsively replied, “High school? Why isn’t he your best friend now?”
Richard paused before replying. “He committed suicide.”
After a noticeable silence, she said, “I’m sorry.”
“Actually, I now understand why my best friendships have been with African-Americans.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because those have been the only relationships I have had where there were no pretences, or facades to get in the way. The people I’ve known have always been real.” He paused as he thought of Freddy. “I miss him terribly. Do you know what it’s like to not have a confidant?”
“I can’t say that I do,” she said.
“Sometimes I feel like without someone who knows me and accepts me unconditionally it is impossible for me to continue along life’s journey.”
Talitha digested the gravity of what he said. “I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“I’m sure that there will be a day when you will make me proud to have been your friend.”