We become so acclimated
As one could presume, I was going through a very difficult time. My therapist was speaking with me individually without my partner. I think hed grown tired of me waving my hands around, explaining away all the bad omens in our relationship, why I thought we could fix things.
He said, Let me tell you something. When someone says they want to leave, the best thing you can do is hold your hands up and wish them the best of luck.
It might seem like a ridiculous thing for a Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy to say. But hed detected a power imbalance between us. I was clawing to save a relationship the other person didnt want to be in. It was projecting me as a low-value person. And more importantly, it was delaying the obvious inevitability of my divorce. Sometimes it's a relationship counselors job to identify a doomed partnership.
In the end? The counselor was on the mark. Good marriages dont usually end. Divorce is horrible and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. But there came a day, many months later, when the sun was shining, the sky was clear. I felt alive and new in a way I hadnt felt in a very long time. I looked back through time with curious fascination, wondering why I tried so hard to save things.
We become so acclimated to unhealthy situations that we stop noticing the toxicity. When that situation finally starts to go away, as it should, we rake the ground rather than rejoice. Its almost like a drug withdraw. We should be happy we are quitting. But there we are, itching for more of the poison. When a person, in no uncertain terms, says they want to leave — let them.
When relationships are organic and natural, they have their own sort of gravity. They stay without too much effort.
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