He put the anger away and landed
After spending a lot of time with both groups, I realized that the happy ones tended to have lived lives of variety. They’d worked different jobs, lived different places, had interesting stories to tell, and knew how to tell those stories to elicit a positive response.
Their positive experiences of a life well lived gave them a better sense of who they were. They were more likely to form connections, be a part of social groups, and less likely to be angry about the soup of the day. Their internal locus of control allowed them to live more fulfilling lives as the clock was winding down.
When I met Hank, he was dying of lung cancer. He brought up that fact exactly one time, to tell me that it was out of his control. In his own words:
What am I going to do, start getting pissed off now? Every other time I’ve gotten pissed off it hasn’t helped me a damn bit. Then he launched into one of his stories, of another time he was pissed off when he thought he was going to die in a malfunctioning plane. He put the anger away and landed.
Life is like that, he told me. No matter how pissed off you are, you still have to land the plane, and being pissed off isn’t going to help you one bit. You’ve got to make the best of it.
The day he taught me this lesson was the same day he made a joke about elephant circumcision and laughed himself hoarse.
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