Climate Change - Is it a hoax? Trump sure thinks so, and he's an expert on everything!

I am going to pensively attempt to draw your attention away from the multiple charts and graphs of different colored trend lines running through those 48 cryptocurrencies on your watchlist for a minute. Because meanwhile, President Trump has taken time off his busy schedule of insulting Angela Merkel, leader of an allied nation (or as Trump would call her, a 4) by refusing to shake her hand to double down on his theory that climate change is something invented by the Chinese to impede US growth. This is of course after pushing forward plans to erect a wall across the southern border to keep Mexicans out, because in Soviet Russia the President elects its citizens.

An executive order issued by the man with an orangutan's scrotum for a face (my description of him, not his own, although if Melania ever joins Steemit and uses it, I promise I won't sue for copyright infringement) calls for the dismantlement of Obama's clean power strategy which would have seen a significant move towards clean energy to combat global warming. Not long after he held a press announcement. Now being someone who immensely enjoys watching him evade the more difficult questions from journalists with the deftness of a blind man playing Duck Hunt using a Nintendo Power Glove, I eagerly tuned in.

I was in for a disappointed however as the President was not to be answering any questions this time around. Instead, he would rattle off a few lines about how his approach would be superior like some sort of advertisement for a detergent, all the while Mike Pence, the Presidential back up dancer, would refer to his own auto-cue for instruction on when exactly to applause, smile, inhale, exhale etc. 'This will allow our companies to thrive, compete and succeed on a level playing field for a first time...in a long time' Trump proclaimed eloquently, cleverly observing that this is the first time something has happened since the last time it happened.

About 3 minutes in he pulled out his gold plated trump card, or as he would call it, his business card: a group of coal miners were paraded onto the stage. And these guys were...actually all right; they weren't, you know, pompous billionaires or the political elite or entitled celebrities or Mexicans, they were ordinary folk who seemed just like us. You know, good people. People who wear jeans and a T-shirt. People who work hard and pay their taxes. We can certainly relate to them; perhaps they resemble you, or your father, or a close friend, or a coal miner being paraded about at a Presidential address on TV. I couldn't help but feel a great deal of sympathy for these great guys: Bobby, and Harvey, and Jimmy, and Ryan.

I'm making up their names of course, neither I nor Trump would know any of their actual names. But that's besides the point, the implication here is obvious: by bringing back coal power, these men are going to be the ultimate beneficiaries; not the CEOs and large shareholders of these coal production corporations, not the senior politicians, certainly not Trump himself, but these good honest men that we can all relate to. His climate change my ass policy is going to help these struggling middle class Americans support their families. It was so obvious all along! Why didn't I, or someone who matters like Obama, think of that? All this time we had allowed ourselves to be bullshitted by the 1 or 2 or 97% of climate scientists into thinking that sustained levels of current emissions would lead to a non-trivial probability of a global catastrophe in the not too distant future, when really, all we had to do was turn our backs on the Paris emissions agreements which the previous administration fought so hard to bring China and India into accord.

Trump ended his speech by approaching these coal miners and warmly greeting them in succession; which goes to show that just because he's a President, billionaire, philanderer, imbecile doesn't mean he considers these men to be beneath him. So of course he'd shake their hands - they're not Angela fucking Merkel.

You may now return to your graphs and charts

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