Okay, here is my attempt to madlib the news!!!! LOL...

Today in North Korea, a new type of BALD EAGLE WIG was launched, much to the dismay of The Mortal Kombat Narrator and all the citizens who live below the WHITE TRASH WALL ... Panicked rabbits put down their OBSESSION WITH CHANTING PI, and began digging tunnels to The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe... New rabbit holes formed in multiple places...

"Some are calling this debacle a very COUNTER-INTUITIVE twist of events..." said Albert Einsteem, when summoned in a seance... "If you ask me, quantum physics is a bunch of phooey! Superposition has a kryptonite!" Spokesmen from CERN, the large hardon supercollider, were of one accord, and sent a raven carrying a RAISED EYEBROW that said, "Einsteem will be deleted in the next update... Reality: Patch 2.0.mandelaeffect..."

Nobody is certain how many LONG-NECKED GEESE were caught in the accidental HAMMERTIME caused by the launch of the beauty product... Some lost their COSPLAY PAJAMAS, along with their livelihoods PLAYING CELEBRITIES FOR SEX... Dr. Teeth had this to say about the hairless JEAN-LUC PICARD IMPERSONATOR and this latest crisis, "You can always fool a GOLDEN RULE!"

Meanwhile, President STARBUCKS assured the entire population of LIGHT-POLE, (Pop. 600,010) that all hair will be restored to its normal position, "As soon as FUCK YOU PAY ME!!"

The Pope retweeted that bitcoin communion wafers will distributed to anyone with a DESIRE TO HUNT FOR ANGELS ON PINHEADS IN HAYSTACKS...

The End