Here's my own attempt at this:

Tensions broke today in THE MARFA CINEMATIC UNIVERSE, after the most unexpected temporary armistice since the ceasefire began... Soldiers laid down their iPhones, and then began to POP-N-LOK to the bewilderment of spectators and news crews...
Dennis Rodman's personal trainer had this to say about the event, "Well, at least nobody was sshooting dank memes at each other!"

The ambassador of GOOGLE-SLAVIA has also scheduled a trip to Mars.gov, after supposedly leaking a PROPHETIC LOTTERY NUMBER causing a shortage of bullets... Onlookers were unclear whether Captain Condomstyle or DJDJDJDJ was the victor...

"Maybe it's a new kind of statistical analysis", says Gilbert Godfrey in his Iago voice, "or a result of the recent SPACEX launch, with their nano-pollination of Yomamma project, which was designed to REWRITE THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIES, TO FIX THE MASSIVE PLOT HOLES..." FAUX NEWS reported that aliens from A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY were responsible for 'The JarJar Abrams Debacle', and that all citizens should immediately ASK DISNEY TO FUCK OFF... The ceasefire ended abruptly as an ICBM suddenly fell into orbit from a Star Destroyer and began skywriting the words, "YOU ARE WHAT YOU TWEET..." Eventually, everyone went back to their MASTERY OF ABATING, and life returned to where it all began...

FINN