Florida and Philly join forces for an ultimate dumb crime

I've not made my disdain for Philadelphia much of a secret, especially their sports fans. They are basically the only fans in the USA that have a reputation for causing trouble no matter if they win or lose. Florida is just the home of "Florida man" and while I do have a lot of love for Florida and love visiting there, there is no denying that things are just a bit different there and the crimes that happen tend to be a bit on the crazy side. There must be something in the water, I think it's probably meth.

So when I first ran across this police report and the associated news story I thought it was just another story about a Philly fan doing some extra-curricular hooliganism but as it turns out it took place in Florida....

src

A man in his 20's who was very drunk and suspected of being on drugs (I wonder what kind of drugs it was in Florida?) decided that it would be a good idea to break into a fire department, break into people's lockers, piss all over the bunk area and just make a mess of the place.

To make matters even more crazy, when confronted by firefighters (who tend to be in pretty fantastic shape,) Edward Dalasandro thought it would be a good idea to turn up the heat (pun intended) by throwing knives at them. Congratulations buddy, this B&E and petty theft just got turned into aggravated assault with a deadly weapon! You are killing it!

Firefighters are pretty good at handling dangerous situations and Edward was immediately taken down, beaten up a bit, and then restrained until police arrived to take him into custody. It was reported that Edward had been kicked out a bar an hour earlier to his drunken decision to loot a fire department, and is known in those social circles as being a very problematic drunk.

Personally, I know quite a few people that are a bit problematic when they are drinking but no one that takes it to this level of stupid. What was he thinking? That he was just going to be able to go into an area well known for having very large and fit men in it and just steal and break stuff with no consequences?

I guess Edward just wants to live that Philly life on hard mode by going after the toughest possible targets on his drunken rampages. Personally, I wish he would step his game up and the next time try to make a run on either a police station or maybe an FBI headquarters. Oooh, how about a military base! Certainly they have some of those in Florida.

The police representative has stated that they charged him with as many crimes as they possibly could in the hopes of making an example out of Edward. The representative finished his statement in true Florida fashion by saying "This Eagle has been grounded twice in the same night."

He is in custody and being held on $120,000 bond.

Look, there's dumb, then there's life-altering levels of dumb. Edward's drunken rampage is going to pack one hell of a hangover as he is facing multiple felonies and the fact that they were committed against firefighters is almost certainly going to ensure that they throw the book at him.

Florida man stories are normally relatively harmless and just involve silly criminals doing silly meth-addled junk that doesn't really hurt anyone. Mix in a little bit of that good ol' Philly sport hooliganism though, and you enter a new world of pain.