How To Survive The Raid On Area 51

in #newslast year (edited)

Step 1: Go to the Alien Center at 2711 US-95, Amargosa Valley in Nevada on September 20th 2019 at 3 to 6 am pacific time.  If you need directions, call  1 (775) 372-1500.  They're open 24 hours a day, and their hamburgers are delicious.  But they're going to be very busy on that date, so you should probably bring your own lunch (and plenty of water).  Look for a huge crowd of people wearing masks.  Introduce yourself and get to know some of your new friends.  But be careful, there may be federal agents in plain clothes trying to blend in with the crowd.  Keep your tin-foil-hat on, and don't tell anybody anything personal about yourself.

Step 2: When you approach the base be aware that the government won't do anything until after you pass their warning signs.  But once you pass the warning signs be aware that they are authorized to use deadly force.  I shouldn't have to remind you that death is as bad as dying, so try not to get shot.  It has been suggested that if one learns the ancient art of Naruto running then it might be possible to outrun the government's bullets, and while that may be true, it still won't help you outrun the lasers.

Step 3: If and when you actually get inside the base, look for high tech inter-dimensional portals.  They will most likely lead you to the inner realm of hollow Earth.  Now, I know what you're thinking: the Earth can't be hollow if it's flat!  But don't worry, that's how dimensions work.  Just don't step in the radioactive lava and you'll be fine.

Step 4: The good news is that you've made it this far, but the bad news is that by now the government has discovered your identity and the CIA is kidnapping your family members in an effort to stop you from going any further and tampering with their stuff!  Lucky for the raid, your daddy never got you that pony you always wanted.

Step 5: If you find the set where they faked the moon landing, it means you're getting close to where they keep the aliens.  Try to steal a moon rock, those things are incredibly valuable to science.  And if you run low on oxygen then just breath into a paper bag to conserve air.

Step 6: If you escape the Matrix then you've gone too far!  Cough up the red pill and get back to work.  You've got aliens to set free!  Your cell phone won't get a signal outside the Matrix anyway, so no porn until you're back in the Universe again.  You heard me, nothing to see here.  Now back in your pod, squishy human!

Step 7: When you finally do meet the aliens it's important to remember that they're telepathic.  So try to avoid thinking about porn.  I know it's hard to stop thinking about it, but you have to try for the sake of the Galaxy!  Just stay focused on the mission.  Think about how you're going to teach the aliens to do the Naruto run so you can both get out of there.

Step 8: Now that you've rescued the aliens from Area 51 maybe you should consider asking them for a ride to somewhere safe.  Because the government will never forget what you just did.  And neither will the great Galactic Empire!

Disclaimer: This article was written in satire.  I am not actually suggesting that anybody should attempt to storm Area 51.  But if you do then please live-stream it so I can watch.  But seriously though, don't raid Area 51.  They'll totally shoot you.

If you enjoyed reading this post then don't just upvote it, leave a comment too.  Tell us what you think people will find in Area 51.  And what would you say to the 2 million people who have already signed up to participate in the raid?


Haha, it looks like the government redacted all the pictures I had in this post. First time I've ever seen that happen. I'll try to edit the article and add a youtube video or something, try redacting that!

WOW. You should edit and put a disclaimer that the images were censored.

I wasn't sure what really happened, but then I remembered that one of the pictures I tried to link to was showing the warning signs they have posted at Area 51 by the road. Maybe they just didn't want that picture getting shared too much.

would they really shoot at 2mil people? it is a crazy idea 😁

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They said they would, but they say a lot of things. It's hard to imagine the government shooting 2 million of its own people, especially if there's news cameras and live streamers in the crowd.

OMG, you are Freaking HILARIOUS! Thank you so much. I really needed that.

These soy-based beings who think they will actually get away with this idiocy, will deserve everything they get... Plain & Simple. :)

Resteemed for you as part of my follow back and followforfollow scheme

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Ahaha! I laugh at everything, maybe with some fear. I went to the facebook page.

I want to know more, too bad I'm so far from all that.

I don't know how you found my steemit account, but I'm here.

How is running naruto? My translator won't let me understand haha!

Oh, hehe, Naruto is a cartoon where sometimes they run very fast. I probably should have explained that better, it's kind of a meme.

I imagined it haha!! if I heard of comics but I was not a follower.

La pregunta del millo, are you going to go? :)

Lol, no I'm not going. I just think it's funny that so many people want to.

hahaha! It's very interesting. I think of 2 million and in truth they are quite a lot!

pd: I have to check again, don't write down the date

Nice picture 👌❣️ I love it

@anomaly I am really happy to read all you great info on how to survive the raid on area 51. Some years back I was in the general area but thought better of actually trying to visit there.

Too bad I didn't have all this info.

Hahaha! This is very funny and entertaining!!
I think it’s better to join Dr. Greer’s mission and organize a group meditation to contact the UFOs!

Have you ever seen a real Alien?!

Thank you, I might have seen an alien once, but I'm not really sure what it was. I wrote about it in my book here on SteemIt called "Why I Don't Punch Dolphins Anymore" (it's all the way down near the bottom of my profile page).
It happened when I was 11 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and saw something strange hiding behind the shower curtain that made me scream when I saw it. But then as soon as I started screaming, something weird happened. I was standing in a slightly different spot, and I was confused because for a moment I forgot why I was screaming, and I completely forgot what the creature looked like. And whatever it was, was gone. People tell me that it was just a night terror, but I'm still not entirely sure about what happened back then.

Oh! Wow! A frightening story!
I don’t know if it is a good idea for you to be able to recall what you saw then! It’s better to let bygones be bygones!
Hope that your next encounter would be a pleasant and friendly one!!

Have a nice day!

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Thank you, that's a good way of looking at it.

Earth still would be very deep if it is flat (the plane would be very thick for it to give us the spherical illusion). But the good news is that it is not flat. Get that out of your head, and many things become easier to understand. Disregard flatness, and just think of it as a sphere - and connect the math.

The problem with Flat Earth theory is that it doesn't account for the curvature of the Great Turtle's shell. I mean, the horizon obviously proves that we're living on the back of an enormous tortoise. But we can't expect the masses to understand such subtle nuances, so why even try explaining it to them? (snicker) The truth is that if you were to sail all the way over the edge of the Great Turtle's back, you would simply land onto the back of an even greater turtle; it's turtles all the way down! #Joking

Woohoo, that picture worked. I guess they only take down the pictures about real conspiracies.

Of all the Area 51 employee interviews - I like Dan Burisch the most. I learned a lot and he helped me visualize 80% of the missing pieces.

Thank you, I'm watching it now :)

Much of the original Dan Burisch videos have been censored and deleted by YouTube. No longer the same.

Awesome read! I laughed the whole way thru🤣
I think they've got Alf and Mork😍 held up in there somewhere. 😋

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I bet Alf would learn the Naruto run in a snap, but Mork would over-analyze it, lol. The funniest part in my opinion is that the government has put so much fluoride in the drinking water that now they can't even logically convince people to stop trying to raid their own military bases, haha. #ThanksGovernment

The fortunate few, who will be able to sneak deep into the base labyrinth ( Let's say it's a labyrinth because labyrinths are cool for mysteries ) will find the real Government, and that doesn't mean the USA one, great Universal New Order central committee will be there, and formed mostly of Alien, Reptilians at the top, who already run the world ( telepathically for the most part ) from there. But they will get a deal from the aliens, became rich and deny all the insinuations of something alien being there.

Labyrinths are awesome! I wonder if there's a Minotaur. And if so, is the Minotaur an alien too?

Absolutely :) the Minotaur is one of the ancient aliens!

This would explain a lot.


I love the step 6..haha

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Lol, thanks, that's my favorite one too :)

Haha great post
I think people will find nothing in area 51 because aliens don't exist.
Be sure to check out my latest post too. Thanks

Thanks, upvoted and followed. But I think there should be something in there. If it's not aliens, then what? Maybe it's where they're holding all the regular folks that were elected to the government and got replaced with obedient clones that will always vote the way the microchips in their brains make them vote.
Like how Trump always used to say that the Employment Numbers were all fake, but then as soon as he took office he was like 'look at these awesome Employment Numbers.' Maybe they're keeping the real Donald Trump prisoner in Area 51.

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