Ok.. well.. I would to start off this story by saying that I am not, by absolutely no means, endorsing drunk driving. However --

When I was in high school, I visited a few of my older friend's who lived across the country. After a night of drunken shenanigans, we ended up at their friends' condo and my friend Dylan decided to, somehow, lock himself out of the building in the middle of the night. Apparently, after knocking on the doors of a few wrong condos, he tried to sleep in his friend's car. That allegedly didn't work, and for some reason in his deliriousness he decided that he would simply just take that car back to his house, half an hour away, without telling any of us.

Side note - we were all asleep during this whole fiasco. My story starts when I woke up in the morning.

First question was, "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAR?". That's what I woke up to; a very angry, mid-twenties girl screaming in the middle of a living room. I was about 18 at the time, and very shy, and Dylan was my only real connection to all of these people. And then the second question came up - "where's Dylan?"

It didn't take long to put two and two together. Then, the call from the cops. So I had to go pick his ass up from jail, and bring his really angry quasi-girlfriend with me. The rest of that story is mildly amusing, but the really funny part was reading the affidavit at the station.

This was years ago, but I'll try to get it as accurate as possible. The narrative essentially went like this:

We pulled over a black Subaru for driving at a dangerously slow rate and blaring the horn on the highway. Upon approaching the subject we noticed he smelled like alcohol. We asked him to put his cigarette out and to please turn off the engine/music(apparently the music was quite loud). The suspect put the cigarette out on the knee of his pants, burning a hole in them, and muttered "I'm very sorry, I love that song". We asked the suspect to get out of the vehicle. He appeared homeless due to dirty clothing(Dylan is a fairly well-off man) and refused to name the owner of the vehicle. When we asked where he was going, he had explained he had been locked out of where he was staying and was headed back to his home in Lake Tahoe. We informed him he was actually on the west-bound highway, and had traveled quite far in the opposite direction towards Sacramento. However, he assured us that we were wrong and that he was most definitely going east(that's my favorite part). We told him we were going to give him a sobriety test and he responded, "just give me the breathalyzer, I'm too tired".

I couldn't get enough. That's really it. I'm sure I have some funny actual stories, but this came to mind!