Whats love To a broken

This is not how it should be, I shouldn't be having these thoughts, often times words like these appears in my minds eye, I know I shouldn't do things yet I do them, I know I shouldn't feel things yet I feel them, well this time I was angry, angry at her not because of what she did, no I knew fully well this was beyond her control, I was angry because she was weak, this was a woman I had know for basically my entire life and not once had I seen her show so much as a flicker of weakness, yes she was strong, stronger than anyone I knew, but now she ... She.... Was sick

I often times when no one would notice sit apart from people, not because I disliked their company in particular, but I just didn't care much for their countenance, I never cared much for people as long as I can remember, but she was different not cause of anything special, but her strength was what endeared me to her, her decisiveness almost bordered on egotism, but I loved her believe and self confidence, she could walk in a room and command the attention of men, yes she was always strong, I had never seen her weak, defensive, or helpless. This was not the woman I knew and deep down, deep deep down in my subconscious mind I think I resented her .I can still remember when I heard her say those words, "arik I have leukemia " for a few moments I could have sworn my mind went blank, I heard the words, I saw her tears but I couldn't process ...