BREAKING: New Zealand Under Urgent Threat of Colonization

After recent positive news, Jacinda Ardern’s New Zealand has come under high threat of colonization and may be on the verge of a collapse of its civil society.

The home of hobbits, mountains, cliffs with sheep on and also volcanoes recently rejoiced the world with positive news about legalization of medical marijuana use, and an upcoming binding referendum on the use of cannabis.

Before that already, the country which was since rather recent times under threat of colonization, managed to rebuke foreign occupation by introducing stringent laws on the ownership of real estate. That after known monopolists like for example Peter Thiel invested in property, pushing the price upwards and making real estate more expensive for locals. A situation the tech industry and globalization have caused in many premier - and also previously derelict - areas around the world.

Jacinda Ardern’s Labour government was having none of it though and introduced strict regulations excluding most foreign private investors, leaving a back door open for Chinese and Australian citizens.

Never one to be outdone the official, not Southern backland, First World decided to upthe ante and with few swift moves managed to bring the nation to borders of collapse, threatening its civilization and peace as known until now.

In fact, only one move was required.

The outcome of the impending occupation of the country is expected to have a brutal impact on life, the life of couples, and also dietary habits. In brief, the once peaceful mountainous archipelago is to change unrecognizable and civic unrest may disturb the peace in the near future.

Social media platforms were awash about it and the situation reached trending locally as Kiwis started predicting the upcoming doom. It is known from past expeditions that similar situations have led to riots in other nations.

Yet, for a country otherwise known for its gentle atmosphere, and hobbit homes obviously, most threatening is the danger to the population’s lives and also an expected increase in global warming due to higher consumption of beef.

We tried reaching out to Peter Jackson to hear about insider news and discover how the hobbit population plans to deal with this renewed threat after having been exposed on the silver screen for years, but we soon realized we didn’t follow him on social media disgrace platform Twitter thus we looked for other Kiwis with advanced insights on what to expect.

We are yet to hear from any Ork about their position to the impending invasion, but it is said they are looking forward to feed on meatballs. Rumor also has it they are looking into entering the paper industry and becoming a provider for flat-pack “wood” once IKEA has started construction of its future store in Auckland, New Zealand.

More more worldly humans we predict an increase in YouTube and dTube tutorial videos how to assemble tables, bookshelves, and beds.

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We suggest people who were considering to be apply for Kiwi citizenship to reconsider their plans and at least wait until the store’s opening has passed.