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RE: Natural Medicine Interview Sessions: Talking Vipassana with @porters
i really do want to try this again as I left early from one once. I am just now getting over the 'trauma' of doing that, as I had panic attacks for a week after I left. would have been better to stick it through.
Hey @ofsedgeandsalt Sorry to hear you were having panic attacks after taking the course. I wonder if you go with a friend if that would help alleviate the panic attacks for you could share your experience with your friend. It always seems in those courses as you a getting deeper into it more comes up and if you can persevere you will benefit more. Hope you get to sit another course and I'd love to hear about it.
well when I did it i did go with my partner at the time... but he was on the other side, and obviously you can't talk to anyone or even look at anyone while you're in there, and it made it even harder i think because i felt like i couldn't ask for help. it was hard for me to feel like I couldn't ask for help from the teachers either, i think i didn't understand the rules, and that you could ask one of the assistants any time for help if needed. i have had issues around sleep in my life in the past, and it came up during the course, where I couldn't sleep at all, like all night long (this happened when I took birth control for 6 months once) and that thought loop pattern that happens with my and insomnia was in overdrive and i felt like I was losing my mind... i mean that's what happens anyway in there right? i know I should have stayed and dealt with it... maybe I'd be able to handle the sleep issues I have now better if i had just pushed through.
I was thinking of you talking to a friend once the course was over but you definitely could have talked to the assistant during the course. Did you not have a checking session where you could talk to the teacher during the course? Now that you have a better understanding you would probably be able to benefit more from sitting a course. I find meditating helps me sleep better. Did you pick up enough of the meditation in the time you were there that you could try a bit at home - kinda ease into it.
i did understand the once a day period to check in with the teacher... but in the middle of the night when I was wandering around outside unable to sleep and extremely distraught and panic attacking... i wasn't sure if i should talk to someone.. or just keep wandering around distraught.. i got through the concentration part of the course but just started the body scan part when I left early. i will try it again one day... i think the trauma of leaving early and being panic attacked and insomniatic for the next two weeks after is finally settling out.. i thought later, well, it would have been better to be going through that in there than 'out' in the world. I didn't have a home at the time so it's not like i had a safe place to go after to recoup...
Ah, I see! It does make it more difficult if you did not have a home to recoup in and I understand you not wanting to disturb anyone in the middle of the night. I'm glad the trauma part is passing and I do hope you get a chance to sit another course when you are really feeling ready.