A Vivid Reply to that Which is Needed - the ELAmental RiverFlows
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Truth, Love, Respect, & Honor.
Awww, bless. I feel so honoured to know that I have helped in some way. Sorry I got to this only now, been hella busy. Forgiveness heals the self, and though you can't forgive him yet (which is pretty understandable!) I am glad you and your girl are working it out, and you feel a bit better and have found a way forward.
It isnt human nature to have greed or anger, it is human conditioning. Our true nature is LOVE. We just allow ourselves to follow sensations instead of non reaction or detachment from base desires. So your ex friend? Chose desire over love.
Your moral code keeps you in check and is from a base of love... hold onto that. Xxx
Let it ALL go, and you will continue to heal.
💕💕💕💕
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You are right about the human conditioning. I just don't know how to get these messed up thoughts and visions I keep having about what happened out of my head... that is currently my biggest struggle.
Your brain has worn those pathways. You need to retrain them. Everytime the thought goes there, just refocus on something in room or body. Sound of birds. Breath. Hands. Sunlight. The thoughts are ONLY thoughts. They ARE NOT REAL. So anything to get you to link to HEAR AND NOW is needed. Xx
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I agree with you, but thoughts are real and have power of their own, and these thoughts in particular are about some real shit that actually happened, so that makes them all the more real. Redirecting my thoughts to here and now doesn't change what happened, or the way I feel about it, it serves only as a temporary distraction... I have also already been using this here and now practice you described. I honestly feel kind of like I am learning how to walk again after a serious injury that will take years of physical therapy to overcome (in this case emotional therapy). Any recommendations on this level would be helpful, but either way I greatly appreciate the fact that you care at all. <3
we love you brother, so much awareness comes from pain and betrayal, I too have had my fair share of that in the last year. I am so happy to hear that you are doing better and that you can let that anger go, it can be so consuming, letting it go does not mean you will forget. Even though I do not know you very well, I am very proud of what you have accomplished, stay true to you, my friend and remember you got lots of friends out here. Much love xxxxx
I haven't exactly let the anger go, just realized I cannot let it take over my entire life and every single moment of every day. I find myself loosing any genuine smile I manifest pretty quickly... I am just trying my best to keep breathing and to keep moving forward despite how I feel... its all I can do besides just giving up completely - which has never been in my nature.
So happy that you are starting to heal and wise enough to recognize the need to heal and get your head straightened around so you can receive the many blessing that may come your way!
I feel it is the times we are living in, where morality is dropping and with the recognition of this, to be strong and be a beacon of light in dark times!
Be well and may much love come your way!
Thank you @Porters. Steem reminds me that there are SOME good humans still out there... and also reminds me that I am not alone, no matter how alone I may feel at times.
One step at a time.💗 I am thankful for your openness about the matter, you sharing your thoughts, struggles, etc will help many to understand their own stories. I look forward to being apart of that community as well.
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I am just doing everything I can think of to attempt healing. There is not a whole lot that has been helping, this is about the only thing that has... when you are demonized for trying to heal during your healing process... that makes it even harder.
I hear you. Fuck 'em. Keep doing what you need to.
...I just hope what I need to do doesn't lead to an even darker place that where I already am. I have a lot of resentment over... not as much what happened, but the way it happened, and all the dishonesty that occurred before, during, and following the betrayal.
Honesty to Real Self is a life-long endeavour. Riverflows and I are at that age when you really worry for "kids" like yourself: sure, you'll live, but does it have to be so cruel? Beautiful to see you learn and grow, but must you now go through life wary and with soul-cramp?
The world is hardening every day a little more. It is part of a necessary culling process that belongs to the Individualisation Process we are going through. This is necessary to become stronger as an independent Consciousness Force of Humanity (in a larger Cosmic Hierarchy). One must heed against becoming hard as nails, but a little vinegar and hyssop are necessary to test your courage (la coeur/el corazón = the heart).
Sometimes one must "hold stuff against" someone to allow them to come to a sense of accountability: this is to help them bear more than they thought they could. It need not lead to (self-serving) vengeance, but will help the other know how "wrong" they are and how they are not helping raise human Consciousness.
Being mean (to put it mildly) is always a sign of insufficient strength of I-ness. If your sense of self (an inner confidence or self-knowledge) is weak, you cannot take responsibility for your thinking and actions and correct the urge to escape or overpower. This is to lend the shadow control and how evil spirals into itself to form a black hole of misery. Clearly, this is in essence "wrong".
As Riverflows already shared with you, even if only at the end of (their) time, this pain is always relflected back - generally in an hour of need if they do not come to their "senses" and observe it in timely fashion (and apologise, attone and ask forgiveness). For this you must allow some opportunity always or you will be "doing the same as they did"(if very differently). Raise your frequency = to heal and let go (without forgiving/forgetting: still holding in sacrificial/compassion mode for the sake of transforming/surrendering potential evil into colourful soul goodness. This can also happen over time, in a dissolution.)
Your story illustrates ego struggling to rise up to surrender to Real Self, which is pure Potential and mild in the execution of it. Both parties can take something ennobling away from this nasty situation. I think the greater gift is the one you are giving them: ultimately a slap in their face they gave themselves with lessons in betrayal and lack of love and as such a merciful wake up call.
This is the deed of taking the scourging (in the sense of an esoteric training path that makes a real Man out of one).
I ask myself this all the time. People tell me that when experiences like this happen that it is an opportunity for growth and suggest these certain coping paths... but none of what is being suggested feels right to me. That soul cramp you refer to is real, and I have never had something hurt my soul like this. I have been betrayed in this way before by previous partners, but this one hurt much more because of the depth of my relationship, and how long we have been together. We have been through more than I care to describe here together, and it is hard for me to imagine a life without her.. I am honestly scared out of my mind... scared I cannot get over this no matter what happens with my relationship, scared of loosing my partner that I have shared so much of my life with, scared of this happening again, scared of never being able to trust anyone else... i am just plain scared.
I feel like I am being tested (test of the heart or courage you mentioned) for something greater, almost as if etheric bodies are looking at responsible (in the actual true sense - for the Earth and Humanity) humans to join their ranks. If that is what is happening, then I am not yet meant to understand why, or at least not completely consciously. My true self is telling me that this is happening to free my energy for greater universal workings that I can only accomplish IN my own energy without the interference of others - what this could mean however frightens me more than anything else, and I am not consciously willing to accept this yet - although I do acknowledge it.
As far as "holding stuff against" the other person involved in hopes of him knowing how wrong he isand how the actions he is choosing is not helping to raise human consciousness - I have no idea how to do that when this guy thinks he is actually righteous in his actions... I am not holding my breath, but I do greatly wish he could see why what he did was wrong and could at least just for a while feel the gravity of it... because it really sucks for me, and the fact that he is not even sorry and thinks he did nothing wrong makes me feel even worse.
I appreciate the wisdom you are laying on me here, and I am always grateful for REAL advise from my elders that actually know what they are talking about and are kind enough to offer some, especially in a time of great need like the one I am currently in. With that being said, there are a couple of concepts that flew a little over my head towards the end of your comment...
While I am familiar with the "black hole of misery" you refer to, I am confused about the meaning behind this particular line... can you please explain further? I am also a little confused about the "dissolution" you refer to in the next paragraph. I understand allowing a space for apologies and atonement, as frustrating as it is since there is no genuine reciprocation there yet.
Can you also explain in more detail this last paragraph of your comment:
I feel like this is the most important part of what you said, and is very important that I understand what you are trying to get across here, I am just a little confused . Can you go over the specifics in here - for instance when you reference the "merciful wake up call", what exactly are you speaking of? and a real man out of who? What do you mean when you say "a real man out of one"?
Thank you again @sukhasanasister, I cannot explain to you how much it means that someone I do not even know cares enough about what is happening to me to reach out like this. Infinite blessings to you my friend. I also very much hope for a reply, and will appreciate that just as much.