Being raised by a narcissist can be devastating for children. The confusing demeanor of the narcissist leaves a child not understanding what direction to go. Narcissist parents are so screwed up and their behavior so insane you think you are the problem. No you are not. They have the problem and if you've survived to adulthood with empathy, understanding and insight, you are a true survivor! Here are 10 signs you've been raised by a narcissist.
#1 You were dumped, discarded or abandoned as a child or not allowed to see family members who loved you; eg: grandparents.
Narcissists are terrible parents and see children as a burden. They are more than happy to dump you off at relatives for years so they don't have to deal with the mundane tasks of raising young children. They will also get rid of you other ways as you age and become "difficult" like sending you to a group home or other facility for "bad" children.
#2 You didn't get any empathy from the parent when you were hurt physically or emotionally.
Not only does the narcissist lack empathy, they take great joy in you being hurt. They are not able to be compassionate, to love & protect children, because you are just there as a show piece when they need to save face or look a certain way to the world.
#3 You were dressed in ill-fitting clothes.
The narcissist parent has money, it's just not spent on you, especially if you are the scapegoat. You were dressed in out of style hand me downs, second hand worn out items like ice skates lacking ankle support, ill fitting undergarments like bras or even given a piece of cardboard as a sled. The golden child will be given a real sled. You get the picture, right?
#4 You were physically or sexually abused and the parent failed to protect you or may have purposely put you in danger themselves.
This is so disgusting & disturbing on so many levels it defies the imagination of a normal parent! The level of sickness this takes to do this is why people think you are crazy. No parent would do that right? WRONG! Hearing the stories of survivors tell of this behavior leads me to believe these people are demon possessed. There is no other answer for something so evil!
#5 The parent always had negative things to say about your friends.
Truth be told, they didn't want you to have ANY friends! If you had friends, you might tell what horrors they were bestowing upon you in secret. This will have happened in grade school all the way through adulthood. They never liked your girlfriend/boyfriends, they never liked your spouse. However, if you happened to hook up with a narcissist, they will adore this person! Yep, they love people who abuse you and will even team up with them after you've left the relationship to further abuse you.
#6 The parent will sabotage important things of yours.
Most children do not recognize this when it's happening and the narcissist counts on it! You may have been playing with some favorite toys as a child only to one day find them missing. Or maybe you had an important paper due in a class at school and you put it on the table the night before, only to find it in the garbage the next morning with wet stuff thrown on top of it. Making you look bad or taking away things you enjoy brings great joy to them.
#7 Everything that happens in the household is a secret and not to be talked about.
Narcissist parents have closets full of skeletons. These people are usually divorced several times due to their erratic and destructive personality. Children are often separated from other parents for the purpose of hurting the other parent and to punish the child. Often the absent parent is so removed the child will think the other parent is dead because they are not talked about. Keeping the family secrets private from the world by telling the child they are not to talk about things that happen in the house, is vital for the narcissist to continue the abuse on the children.
#8 You were not allowed to have friends spend the night.
This has to do with the "secrets". If you recall your childhood you will notice you were always allowed to go spend the night at any friends house, but they were not allowed to stay over at your house. Odd isn't it? Not really. They can't control themselves long enough is the real issue. So evil is their abuse of their children, they can't take a chance some outside child will witness how dysfunctional life is in the house, and tell their parents. The threat of anyone normal finding out how sick they are will destroy the fun they are having. Yes, I said FUN!
#9 You were criticized about your appearance or character.
As a child, this one is so incredible abusive it makes me want to cry! Children are at the mercy of a parent. They have no money, they can't drive, they rely on the parent to provide their needs. So for a parent to criticize a teenager about acne, their hair, their teeth and not provide for the child is outrageous. To add further insult they like to attack your character. If you were a compassionate, loving person they will cut you down by telling you how bad you treat THEM, how bad you BEHAVE making THEM look bad, how you are always CAUSING problems. All you are doing is breathing, FFS!
#10 Your achievements were ignored.
The goal of a narcissist parent is to rip you to shreds. They hate themselves is what's really going on, it has nothing to do with you as a person. They hate themselves and they take it out on you, especially if you're the scapegoat. Scapegoats having achievements is especially threatening to a narcissist parent. Your artwork in grade school was never put out for display, you putting yourself through college will be ignored, you having a normal fulfilling life will be ignored. But if you have problems in life they will be there to watch the train wreck, reveling in your hurt & pain. If you have children of your own they will do everything to interfere with your parenting, get your children to stop talking to you or even try to get custody of your children!
If you've suffered at the hands of these evil people and survived to be a normal adult, you are truly blessed. You've been protected by angelic forces against this evil.
Stay tuned for scapegoats, the most powerful one in the family, despite being labeled the problem child.
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