Being adults we face bullying in many forms, from the man on the street to our own colleagues. But being adults we tend to be able to handle it better knowing who we can turn and how we can resolve our problems. But we can't say the same about our juniors.

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I was from a school in Klang, Malaysia where gangsterism is rampant and bullying is the norm rather than the exception. It is almost a staple that we see some kid gets slapped, taunted and ridiculed. These are all acts of bullying. The victim may not be a timid person but the mere numbers of bullies overwhelming the victim can be an intimidating feat. Not all kids are trained to stand up against bullies and when they feel that they have noone to turn to, they resile into their own corner and become a recluse.

Teaching our Kids to Stand Up

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We tend to think that bullying is something that only plagues the weak, but that is not often the case. The person targeted is often a target of jealousy. The victim can be anyone and that includes the most successful student or the most well liked student.

If there is one skill that ought to be taught to our kids is the ability to stand for themselves. They need to know that keeping quiet will not stem the bullying. They need to voice out or at the very least, show the courage to seek help. Whilst bullies try their best to further intimidate their victims and scare them to silence any attempt to dethrone them and show a will to stand up will stun the bully.

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Lending them a Voice

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They need to know that they can turn back to the following:-

• their teacher
• their parents
• their classmates
• their siblings

Our kids when encounter bullying maybe too fearful to voice their grievances and there are very valid tell tale signs and in particular their change in demeanor. They will be quieter and more prone to sudden outburst because they have no way to express their frustration and lack of ability to protect themselves.

My Personal Experience

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Although I was never a victim of bullying but I had my fair share of encounters. It really is a matter of whether you stand up for yourself or not. Bullies are usually timid individuals that got emboldened by their herd instinct. It is just like the guy who took a shot of vodka before approaching the girl at the next table.

There was this teacher in my school that tells us as boys there are certain fist fights that we cannot back down especially when the challenge is against your dignity and self esteem. I took those words of advice quite literally and when the first challenge came, I took that one step of not backing down.

Bully : Hey, faggot...I heard that you have some issues with my friend. Apologise now and let us each slap you once and we call it a day.
Me : Why should I be slapped? Who is that friend of yours?
Bully : I give you one choice, either one slap from us or we all will just beat you up. So which is it?
Me : Well if you are a big boy, why don't we have a 1 on 1?
Bully : Why should I, I have more numbers?
Me : Well, you want to be a big boy right?

Well, that fight took place and you guys probably guessed correctly I was beaten to pulp. Both eyes swollen and fortunately my parents are outstation. My younger brother saw it and told my sister, her answer was almost comical,

Sister : I told him not to stay up chatting on the internet. That is why his eyes are swollen.

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That was my first ever experience facing bullies. That few punches that I took to my face was probably enough to tell them that I am no pushover...hence the bullying stopped. Of course we want the fairytale ending to say that he is now my best friend and we hang out...well, that didn't happen. If I see him on the road, I would probably have some cat feces thrown at him if I meet him on the road...

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I believe that I don't have to complete this message with a conclusion or moral of the story ending. In short, we need to assure our kids that we are there for them and it is okay when the need arise to stand up for themselves. At most it is just a few punches on the face.

credit to @zomagic