'My 2017' is for a competition hosted by @anomadsoul which will run through December. Steemit is a community made up of a fantastically diverse range of people and finding out more about each other will hopefully give perspective, understanding and strengthen the bonds that will take us into 2018 and beyond. What better place to start than taking a look at our personal highs and lows of the year.

The last two years have been particularly challenging for my family and I with 2017 being a year filled with trials. There has been so much work involved to get this far and I am hoping that it has built a foundation for us to build a future upon. Achievements and failures for me are more of a continual negotiation with the challenges faced in life, rather than specific points in time.

The Challenge

My daughter is now 16 months old and she is by far the highlight of my life and is shaping up to be a highlight of life itself. But, she has had a difficult start from day one that has required a lot of care, extremely long nights and a lot of preparation work to make sure she is able to grow and develop well.

Most of the lows of 2018 have been trying to survive financially and finding the energy to deal with all of the necessary tasks in order to do so. As said, this year has been a working year at every level. Our apartment is not very large yet, my wife and I hardly see each other more than passing in the hallway. If there is failure, this is it.

I was not prepared to be able to absorb all of the costs and demands on time it would take to cover them. It is fine to be unprepared when it is just me who will suffer, but it is unacceptable when I have other people who rely on me to be able to provide for them. Unacceptable.

The start of the year was spent in near panic as I struggled to grow my business in order to cover baby formula that was costing us twice that of our mortgage per month. This was done whilst walking 10 kilometers a night pushing my daughter, as it was the only way she could get some rest, which meant getting no more than a couple of hours of sleep myself, before heading to work.

There are so many things that piled on like a perfect storm, my wife's ongoing recovery, my own health, client companies making cuts to contractors, family issues, savings burnt through, mounting debt... and many, many other challenges that applied pressure on top of my unpreparedness. When it rains, it pours.

Yet, here we are.

The Action

This is the most important year of my life so far. This year I faced up to myself and took a look in the mirror and decided to see what I was made of. This year I found myself lacking. This year I chose to act.

I joined Steemit to help pay the bills but am still yet to take anything I have earned into use. What I have used from Steemit is the opportunity to explore my mind, work out my past, clarify my future and take actions now. Not tomorrow, not next week, now. I no longer watch the news, I don't play games, I don't spend time consuming TV shows. I write, and I spend a great deal of time doing it.

Anyone that says 'I don't have the time' for this, that or the other thing are most likely as deluded as I was. There is so much time taken up by the unnecessary consumption of what society feeds us that even cutting back a little, opens up acres of space. Like everyone, I wanted a better position, but I was unwilling to move myself, unwilling to do the necessary work. I was unprepared to act.

I am now pushing myself to never be unprepared again but I have a lot of ground to make up, a lot of steps I must take in quick succession to catch the tail of where I want to be. What I learned through all of those nights walking and singing to my daughter was, sleep can wait. Things that must be done, take precedence over all other activities, even if the personal cost is high.

What I have found this year is that I have many more interests than I thought I had and much more willingness to explore them. I have found that I am a lot more interested in being a part of a community than I have ever been before and ready to put myself into discomfort to help build it. And, if you haven't noticed, I have found somewhat of a passion for investigating my experience through writing.

I have so far to go still as I am still so far behind but, if there is an achievement for 2017, it is finally after 38 years of living, developing the willingness to do the work necessary to lead a valuable life. To begin to really understand what my existence means to me.

Life is a gift. 2017 is the year I started to open the package to see what I received. I feel like so far, I have only torn a corner of the paper away.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]