Kevin part 2

Continued...
So, my third wife started acting a fool and went to her moms. The next day I told her to come home and we'd forget the b.s. and just pretend it didn't happen. She didn't so I got in my truck and went for a drive. I thought about all the crap my life had seen. I thought a lot about my first wife and what life would be like if we would've, or I would've tried harder to give her a baby. By now she was married and in fact did have a couple kids. I thought about where I was trying to get to in life and where this whole thing was supposed to be heading. What was it that I really wanted in my life. After all the thinking, I came to the conclusion that the most important thing I wanted is to be a father. I myself never had my father. I never knew he was even alive. I was raised two hundred miles away from him I later found out. Anywho, I wanted my own child. I wanted to be the best father. Not just because I never I had my own father, but because that is the point of living. To give life. And if I'm going to do anything, I'm going to do it better than anybody else. So, there I was. 29 years old, wanting to be a father. When I'm with someone, I'm with someone. I don't let any bad thing around my relationship. All my wild friends were gone. I was a real whore right before I settled down with my second wife, all my whore friends were gone too. I was alone in the world. I have never been a shy person, so not having people around was a frightening thought alone in that truck. If I was going to be a father, I needed a quality person I could spend the rest of my life with. If I was going to be a dad, I wanted to stay with that person because I didn't want my kid to go through what I went through. Their daddy would be there no matter what. I was thinking to myself, there was this one chick who was kind of nerdy (that's sexy to me) back when I was a whore. She was a friend of one of ex flings. We got close in the back seat of my Camaro one time while my ex flings mom was driving my car but nothing happened. I wondered if her mom still lived that one time I dropped her off? I decided to drive over there and see if I could find the house. I circled the neighborhood a couple times. I saw a red porcshe in a carport, I was thinking that's the house. I pulled in the driveway and knocked on the door. I asked for her and the guy went to get her. She came out and we talked for hours and hours. She was so right for me. I loved her blond hair and glasses. She was amazing. Before I went home, we were officially an item.
When I finally got to the house at about midnight, my third wife was waiting on the porch. She said she had been there since noon. All I could say was, you should have came home when I was saying you should have. And that I was now with somebody else. She went on up the road. She should have known it was going to be that way. I didn't do single for more than a few days. Hell, that's how she got in there. There was about two hours between her and my ex before her.
So, me and the new woman saw each other for a while and we had a baby. We moved in together. She was super hard headed and acted crazy as shit a lot. Boy, that is not what the picture I had in my head looked like. But I loved her. I gave her everything in my heart. She had everything in me. We got married shortly after my divorce and had another little girl. We never knew anything was wrong with Courtney while she was pregnant with her. The doctors never saw anything in the ultrasounds. When she came out it was a total suprise. She had no thumbs and her feet didn't look normal. She was tiny and beautiful.
Courtney had to stay in the hospital for six months. We saw her everyday. I would download cartoons on my phone so I could take them to her to watch with me. Breanna and I watched cartoons in the floor, I wanted Courtney to have that too. The nurses would say she knew when we were coming. She knew what time it was. When she did come home, we had nurses that had to come to the house. There were three shifts a day, they stayed eight hours each. Eventually there was only one six hour nurse a day. It was an interesting time but we were making it. One day a nurse came to the house with bronchitis. We saw she was sick and she said she was ok. After about an hour I told her she needed to go on somewhere with that mess. We didn't want Courtney to catch anything. Courtney got very sick. By the next day we had to take her to the hospital. She ended up having to be put on life support. Oh my God it was horrible. After about two weeks, the doctors had us come into a room and about 10 of them were telling us we needed to go ahead and pull the plug on her. I let them have it. I told them they had lost their mind. That's my baby and I'll never give up on her. Less than a week later we were taking her back home, healthy. By now, we were through with having nurses come to the house. No more doing that crap. We found a place called PSA healthcare. There were nurses there, you drop them off like at a day care and they give them all kinds of occupational theropy. From birth they had told us she wouldn't ever walk, talk, or eat by mouth. The people at PSA worked with her everyday, she now runs, you can't get her to shut her smart mouth, and she mostly eats by mouth. She is now in the first grade. And to think, at two, the doctors wanted to let her go.
My kids mother and I struggled to keep it together with each other. She had every piece of my heart but she didn't make it easy. She was really quiet, stayed to herself, didn't do very much wife stuff. I had to work ten or so hours a day, cook, clean, and be ignored by her. All I wanted was a normal life with a normal wife. It wasn't that way at all. There were days when she didn't say anything to me at all. I loved her so I stayed. She never gave me any reason to. Two years ago just after Christmas I just couldn't take it anymore so I just left.
I dated several good women, one in particular but I'm so broken inside I can't go but so deep into anything before I panic. I know that's the problem because the great chick I was with for like six months wrote me a love letter and I couldn't take it anymore. She poured her soul into ink and used that ink on a piece of paper to tell me how amazing I was and how much she loved me. And I freaked out. It's crazy. I think I just let go of my heart one to many times.
Anyway, this is a tiny part of me. There's a lot more than this. Maybe I'll write about more later?