Yes, my hobby sounds weird when you first hear about it.

Orchestra.

I think most people know what an orchestra is.

But having an orchestra as a hobby, for me is something quite different. It is, after all, one of my passions, along with reading.

It’s not just about listening to orchestras play, or being a part of an orchestra, but also being involved in developing and managing it.

I think I should start at the very beginning to be able to explain my hobby clearly.

When I was a kid, I was pretty indifferent towards music. Yes, my mom did her best to have my brother and I take lessons, but it never really took our interest. In her enthusiasm about having us kids learn music, my mom made us try out a lot of instruments, from recorders, bamboo flute, pan flute, piano, octavina (an instrument like a guitar, just with more strings), and others. (She also made me take voice lessons at one point).

(Here's what an octavina looks like. Source: Wikimedia Commons)

But despite of all that my mom did, I never ended up with an interest in music. I never actively avoided it but did what my mom wanted passively.

When I was ten, we had to go to a cousin’s funeral, which was in a place more than ten hours away from my hometown. On the way back, we stopped at a university, where my mom was friends with the head of the music department. At that time, there were free music lessons being offered. Mom took advantage of the situation and had us take lessons, so we stayed for a while.

While we were at the university, this huge storm wrecked my hometown, our house was flooded. Long story short, we ended up living in that university for five years. So, we had to take lessons because my mom wanted us to. At that time, I was actually a violinist.

Later, I decided to try out instruments, just out of curiosity. And one semester I ended up taking cello, voice, piano, and flute lessons. It was hell, I wouldn’t recommend anyone doing what I did. I had to practice different pieces for each and had lessons every single week.

And still, even under that mound of music lessons, I only had a tiny interest in music, almost like an automatic response that had been inculcated in my mind.

The year before we left that university, my brother, who was a violinist at that time, was invited to play with the relatively new chamber orchestra that a French music professor was conducting. This meant that along with my mom, I had to attend performances. During this period, I was a seriously shy person, I rarely talked to people I didn’t know and actively stayed away from teens my age because of trauma from a bullying experience when I was a kid.

The orchestra looked interesting, but I only admired it but had no intentions to join. But I was acquainted with the conductor because he was my violin teacher when I used to play the violin.

One time, while I was observing rehearsals, I ended up helping the conductor with distributing and organizing the pieces to be played. After that, I was asked to help out, and since the conductor was a much-admired teacher, I ended up as his orchestra ‘secretary/helper’. And I actually enjoyed the job.

Slowly, I became familiar with the orchestra members and became good friends with a couple of them, which was surprising because I was kind of anti-social.

Just a few months before we left the university, a youth music festival occurred. An orchestra from the US came to the school, and musicians were invited to participate in performing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony and Choral Fantasy with them.

I participated, as part of the staff. I helped out with organizing stuff, did errands for the professors, passed on messages, etc. This meant that I was present during rehearsal, where I saw first-hand how a lot of musicians created wonderful music under the baton of a seasoned conductor. It was like a whole new world of music opened up in front of me.
Different instruments with their different sounds, all playing together to create a beautiful work of music.

(A video from Youtube from the concert of that youth music festival.)

After that event, the conductor of the school’s chamber orchestra invited me to join, since they only had one cellist. I was told that I would be given revised, simplified cello parts to play. This time I happily accepted the offer.

That short few months I had as part of the orchestra was memorable and fun. There was this time that the orchestra had a concert, and my bow broke. I had to borrow a violin bow just so I could play my cello, which was pretty awkward since the weight of the bow was all wrong, but I managed to persevere.

I thought that that was going to be my last involvement with an orchestra. But the summer after we went back to our hometown, we were invited to attend a music camp by my mom’s friend, the same one from the university. She changed schools, and was at that time in a different one. The music camp was something she organized, and she invited the conductor from the orchestra from the US to teach at the camp.

At first, it was a terrifying experience. The conductor was seriously scary, he yelled when people misbehaved (and of course you’d get a lot of such actions when you’re among youth), and was strict in rehearsals.

But in the end, even with all the scary stuff, we enjoyed the camp a lot.

The period after was when I started having a love-hate relationship with music.

I wasn’t talented in music, I could play, but only after a really trying time. But my brother was different, he was really talented even at that early time. He could easily grasp musical concepts that I couldn’t and pick up techniques that were hard for me to learn.

And it made me frustrated and kind of depressed. Even though my parents treated my brother and I equally, I was hard on myself. I refused to touch my cello for months because I thought that anything I did would only be useless.

So, when the time for the next camp arrived, I refused to go and my brother went without me.

I had a hard time learning how to stop comparing myself to my brother, to learn how to accept what I could and couldn’t do. But somehow, I managed to control my self-esteem problems by the time the third camp came around.

I had a hard time with music before being part of an orchestra, this was in part because of my extreme stage fright. Performing in front of others scared me stiff. To be honest, at one point in time, I deliberately ate a lot of candies and sweets before a voice recital so that I would get sick and get out of participating. (Yup, I got a fever because of eating too much sugar).

Only when I was part of an orchestra did I enjoy music. I was able to let go of my fear of performing when I played with others, and it was fun and exciting to be able to create music as a group. And my love for the orchestra was born.

The reason I decided to study music was because of orchestra. I told my mom before that I definitely wouldn’t be a musician, being one was extremely hard from my point of view (actually, until now I believe that studying music is hard).

Being a musician, after all, takes a lot of time, effort, and a ton of dedication, which was something that I didn’t feel towards music. But, I ended up as a music student because I wanted to be a part of an orchestra.

When I entered college, the music department had no formal orchestra. The music students were only called together to play for certain occasions and that was the extent of it.

What happened was that me and couple of other students wanted an orchestra, so we organized one. I ended up with managerial duties, like organizing rehearsal schedules, helping out pick the pieces to play, photocopying and printing pieces, planning performances, etc. It made me, happy.

I was feeling joyful at the fact that I could help develop a musical ensemble for the school, I could share the experience of being an orchestra musician with other people, I could help create music that could inspire and motivate others. All of these things made me determined to help in the development of the orchestra.

Until now, it’s something I do because I love it. Because I believe that it can help people, that those who listen to the music that is produced can be uplifted.

It isn’t always easy. I get frustrated when things go wrong.

Sometimes, I lose patience, and sometimes I love my belief and drive because of factors like members who don’t practice well, or because of a lot of absences. After all, until now our chamber orchestra is a student-led one. I have to deal with problems regarding performances, to problems like people losing their parts.

There are times when I want to really, seriously give up.

I actually stopped from involving myself with the orchestra for about a semester.

But in the end, I couldn’t help myself. I just had to help out, I wanted to create a group that could share beautiful music, and enjoy playing together while at it. In a way, it's not just what I want, but what I want to achieve.

Until now, I still struggle with such a ‘troublesome’ hobby, that I don’t earn from. But, I really do believe in the power of creating music as an ensemble. It’s different from choir music, or solo music, but it has its own strengths.

I can only that, in the future, despite such troubles, I want to continue to develop orchestras, not just the one in my school, but others, so that people can come together and learn how to create music together, music that can enrich and uplift the hearts of those who hear.

(A community outreach program by our music department.)

I also hope that I can help and create a way for the underprivileged to be able to have the opportunity to learn and create music as a group, not only to make music but also as a means to give them skills that they can use to enhance their lives and earn.
There’s just something about music that can touch the soul in ways that words cannot, that words will not.

There you have it, quite the problematic hobby, but something I love just the same.

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Thanks to @anomadsoul for such an interesting contest（＾ω＾）It's making me reflect on the past, where I came from and what I'm going to do in the future.

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All photos in the post are mine, unless stated otherwise. (Some pictures come from my FB page.)