CONVERT YOUR HOE BATH INTO A DRESSING ROOM

So I get to the gig, hot, sweaty, stinky, from working all day, eating onsite at a questionable establishment, and now it's time to set-up. Of course after a gruelling day like this every working musician knows, or should know how to change clothes in the dirtiest of restrooms without touching anything. Here are a few tips: Take a deep breath before entering and hold it as long as you can. Exhale slowly and breathe back in with your shirt pulled up over your nose. Empty all your pockets and put them in the fresh pants you are holding. Drop your pants to your ankles and slip out of your loafers( important gear) and keep your feet on the pants while you balance yourself without touching or leaning on the wall. Of course it is always at this time the 8 and 10 year old brothers come into the restroom to pee. They see you standing naked from the waist down with your shirt up over your nose. At which point you say, and you must practice this to sound sincere, "It's ok kid, I'm in the band and I get paid to do this." Don't let this rattle you or get you in a hurry, lest you lose your balance. Nonchalantly put on the fresh pants, change your shirt, slip back into the loafers and pick your dirty pants up, tie the legs in a knot and stuff the shirt, etc. into the bundle. If you did not bring some foo foo juice you can always splash a little hand soap on your neck and underarms. Wet your hands, run them through your hair, if you have any, and you're good to go. Of course you're going to feel a little creepy as you walk through the room carrying clothes that smell and look like you've just killed an animal. By this time the kids or the drunk or whoever walked in on you is going to let everyone know they just saw you naked with your pants around your ankles and your shirt over your nose. Hold your head up high, act normal and remember: you're in the band and you get paid to do this. How's that $50 feel now? LOL.