My Fun Happy Birthday Rap Song for Abyni (My Crazy Self & Songwriting... RAP? Why Not?)

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I promised that I would share this at some point... but let me start by saying that this was a gift of love that I wrote one afternoon the day of my daughter's 16th birthday. (If you read my blog here at all, you know that I'm big on improv) I would like to say that I write rap lyrics int he style of Eminem, but it's more accurate to say that I write in the style of Dr. Seuss... if he was high and not as much of a genius as he was. (No, I was not high, I am just this weird when I'm sober).

The deal was that I was back here in the US while she was still in the Bahamas with her dad and brother living on the boat.

We had some friends who went out of their way to make sure she still had a real birthday with cake, candles AND a cheeseburger (meat was a RARE occurence in our lives because it was super expensive there):

Because of things out of her control, she was far away and missing me a LOT. I was missing her horribly as well... so I thought I would send her a birthday song. Now why I chose to do a rap song, I couldn't begin to tell you, but that's what happened.

Here are the lyrics (but really, you have to listen to the song to get the full experience!):

Since its Abyni’s birthday, I wanted to write her a song
I didn’t know where to start so I asked her to play along

But when I asked her to challenge me to write,
I asked for something to get started right.

This is what she said to me
I don’t have one, but I’ll give you three
Pizza, Burgers and a big brownie

“What?” I said, “that’s all you’ve got?
I was hoping to have more of a plot”

Fine, she said, here’s a different three
the ocean, a light switch and a big brownie

OMG, I’ll just think of my own
You little girl, are about to get shown

You might start to think, Man, my mom is blazed
But trust me I’m sober and you’ll still be amazed.
This song is so inspired, you won’t believe the lyrics
I’m not even trying to be satiric

So I wrote this whole song
Spent the whole day long
Sweated and toiled for lots of hours
Until the moment when the laptop lost power
When I tried to boot it up, it forced restart
And didn’t save my song and broke my heart

Today is your birthday and I can’t believe its true
That You’re all the way in Georgetown and I can’t be there with you.
I hope you have a birthday that’s at least as good as you
And a bomb ass potluck with beef and barbeque
I hope you sing some happy songs and that you think of me
And that you end your day with a giant brownie

I really hope my song has inspired you to write
Your own bit of music in the middle of the night
I got a few suggestions that you might like to hear
You should write a song about how you’d never drink beer
I think it would be great if you wrote a song about
Swimming with the dolphins and figuring life out

I can’t believe you’re sixteen & Living on a boat
writing your own music on the ocean where you float
I bet you’re really happy and loving this new song
If you had a lisp, that line would end with thong
Sorry, I can’t help it, I asked Paris for rhymes
I should have known better, I’ve known her a long time
But anyway I’ll leave you now with this birthday song
And I hope that your birthday is everything but wrong.

I really really love you, you crazy mohawk girl
You’re my favorite youngest daughter in the whole wide world.

Happy Happy birthday you crazy singing teen
I still can’t believe that you are now 16.

Oh crap wait a minute, I know you’d start to twitch
If I went and forgot to add the words Light switch!

We out!

Love, Yo Momma

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Now to ease your mind from that, here are a few more photos of @abyni during her boat life:

Here she is doing aerial silks from the mast of the boat!

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