COLONIZED BY ELON: A TIM OSMAN ROMANCE , part 6 of 9 (by DERP)
A stranger from another world on this world that was not the world be knew before. But a new world, yet very much like the old one, he recalled.
For one, Timmeh noticed that the gravity here was much like that of Earth. The entire Hab had been gravity normalized, this was for their own safety, to protect its denizens from unacceptable slip and fall injuries that could happen in low grav, but Timmeh paid no mind. In fact when asked, his commanders always said that because he was so strong, he probably could hardly feel the difference. Since his lean muscular body adapted so quickly to the Martian gravity he was top of his harvester class, earning a red star in the academy on a training exercise for rescuing the most potatoes from a silo explosion.
Most people experience it in the Hab occasionally, so-called gravity flu, or Martian sickness. The long planetary orbit felt like a snails crawl, the cloudless sky above was as a blank unchanging slate each day. The spacesuits, made as part of a joint venture partnership by Nike Space-x Disney Apple and Cern,were high gravity athletic smartboots would always track
your whereabouts in case of emergency. The Nike "air Newtonains" as they were first called by the Washington Post, worked as grav limiters outside the Hab.
Timmeh's smartboots haptic vibrations alerted him as to losing their wifi singal, but he had to seek shelter deeper to escape the bowel movement inducing sounds of the sandstorm. He kept going until he forgot where he was in the panic of it all. Timmeh's mind was like Play-doh now, he was lost in the cave. Which way was out he wondered, completely vexed, naked fear was rising in him.
"You ain't gonna beat me Mars" Timmeh shouted, trying to engage his eustress, trying to auto-believe his way into staying calm. He had to remember to keep triggering his cogdiss to stay calm, or elseit was all over, the sophism would overtake him. "What was that? he chirped, as he saw a dark scampering form dart and jitter across the cave wall in silhouette. 'I must be fuckin trippin bruh' he thought, Timmeh took a look at his oxygen sensor and he'd be set for a few hours until the
sandstorm passed by "i'm gonna science-fuck my way out of this" he said confidently to himself. "Proximity ALERT!!' 'unknown EBE detected.' 'activating heads up display.' Timmeh froze in his tracks.
"Please remain in place and I will perform a bioscan', said the soothing voice of the in-suit A.I module. The high intensity green fan laser swept left to right across the cave walls. 'Scan complete' 'Congratulations...',"You have discovered a new spicies" said the A.I., 'now entering new species into the biodex, what would you like to call your new species Timmeh?' pausing for a moment he thought '...Crabthexis?', 'Crabbis Marsden?', 'Crabbis Ledong'.
(TO BE CONTINUED)