A Definitive Ranking of the Star Wars Movies.

      I believe Star Wars to be the single greatest Sci-Fi universe of all time, despite some questionable artistic moves... While these aren't my favorite films of all time, the world they take place in is the most vibrant I've seen in such a fictitious franchise, and for that I tip my hat. Well... I would if I were wearing one. I think I have a slightly different perspective on these movies than the typical "The original trilogy is epic, SKIP THE PREQUELS" mentality which seems to be the norm. Maybe it's because I saw the prequels first, so I wasn't weighed down by the expectations the originals created. Or maybe growing up with the prequels skewed my perception of them, I can't really say. But without further ado, here is a definitive ranking of the entire franchise to date. I speak in objective fact only, the word 'opinion' isn't in my vocabulary....

#8. Episode 2: Attack of the Clones

      I don't even know what to say about this mo- wait yes I do. WHAT IN THE HELL WAS GEORGE LUCAS THINKING???? There were plenty of questionable moments in the prequel trilogy. With exhibit A. being the entirety of this movie. It seriously has the absolute worst lines, sequences, action, and character development in the entire series. Anakin and Padme's love montage? Kill me now. It was so bad that fans of the movie have resorted to theorizing that Anakin was manipulating Padme with the force because they had so little chemistry on screen. Hayden Christensen's delivery was god awful for the entire film. The final battle was so unnecessary and obviously postured to make the plot work. The Jedi council did absolutely nothing except sit on their chairs contemplating everything they actually should be doing until the very end, and the CGI was once again terrible, although it did improve slightly over The Phantom Menace. The only glimmer of hope throughout is Obi Wan. I actually thought his fight scene with Jango Fett was pretty cool, but they even soured that moment with the horrendous casting of young Boba Fett. This is the only Star Wars movie I genuinely dislike, and I skip it every time I watch the series. 

I killed them! I killed them all! They're dead, every single one of them! And not just the men, but the women and the children, too! They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals!!!!! I HATE THEM!!!!!! Anyone who can make it through that scene with a straight face seriously deserves a gold medal.

#7. Rogue One

      Now I don't think this is a bad movie, and I guess you can say it's objectively a much better piece of art than some of the other films which preceded it.... But I don't know, something about it just didn't connect with me. K-2SO was great, and I really liked Chirrut. Everything else though? It just bored me. Jyn was a dry protagonist who I felt nearly nothing for, and I honestly don't even remember much else about the rest of the characters, and I've seen this movie 3 times! I can appreciate the tone they were going for which differed from anything else the series had previously done, but this movie just felt unnecessary, and I feel as if it almost cheapened the Star Wars brand. The scenes with Darth Vader were incredible, but they only served to remind me that I'd much rather be watching a solo Darth Vader film instead of the one we got. Now the whole CGI Tarkin thing didn't bug me as much as it did others, but it was obviously in bad taste. All of this lands Rogue One the number 7 spot.

#6. Episode 4: A New Hope

      I can already hear everyone clicking off of this post, but just hear me out. A New Hope was a groundbreaking film and an incredible peace of art for its time. I just think that in the context of the rest of the series, especially the original trilogy, it falls a bit short. It started everything, and for that it deserves its respect, but it has some issues. The lightsaber battle at the end was exceptionally dull, and Obi Wan... He just... Vanished into thin air? The storyline is a bit generic and Luke wasn't all that interesting of a character until episode 5. I just enjoyed this film overall a bit less than most of the other titles, despite some of them having glaring issues. Maybe I just can't appreciate the gravity of its cultural influence because I wasn't alive at the time, but this movie just doesn't hold up to the rest of the original trilogy for me. It did have some great stuff though. Any moment with C-3PO and R2-D2 was golden, the death star assault was incredible (especially considering when this movie was made), Han and Leia were too, and Darth Vader was... present. It's no surprise that George Lucas expected this movie to bomb, and as a result didn't anticipate making any sequels, because it really shows...

#5. Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

      Ok, I'll acknowledge that nostalgia is clouding my view just a bit here. But I do think that this movie gets a bit too much flack. Sure to any reasonably intelligent adult Jar Jar Binks is one of the most irritating fictional characters ever made. To a kid though? Jar Jar was the shit. The CGI was so awful that I don't know how the studio cleared this movie for release, but as a kid you don't even notice, it just looks completely real. Plus for the die hard fans they got sequences like the pod racing scene, and the final battle with Darth Maul which at the very least are small consolations. Should they have included the infamous Midi-chlorians? Probably not. Should they have come up with a more interesting plot than trade disputes? Yeah definitely. I just think that this movie hit it's intended audience, which was the children. I 100% understand why anyone who watched this movie for the first time as an adult hated it, but growing up with this film left me with a soft spot for it.

#4. Episode 7: The Force Awakens

      I just love how this movie was universally acclaimed when it was released, and now it seems as if half the fanbase hates it. It remedied literally every single issue the prequels were panned for, but that wasn't enough? "Oh we want a Star Wars movie like the originals again, fuck these prequels man" Then this movie comes out "It was too much like A New Hope, try again." People are just never going to be satisfied. With that being said while I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, it just felt like there was something missing... I didn't find Kylo Ren particularly menacing as a villain (aside from the opening, that was epic), and sure I guess we didn't really need another "death star" but that didn't bug me too much. My only real issue with this installment is that every time I watch a Star Wars movie (Even Rogue One to a certain extent) I get a sense of wonder at the marvelous universe these movies exist in, and this film just felt kinda separate from that. Despite the familiar faces it just lacked what I love the most about these movies, and I can't quite put my finger on exactly why. Aside from that though, I thought nearly everything else about it was great. R.I.P. Han.

#3. Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

      This was actually my favorite Star Wars movie for quite some time, it wasn't until I re watched the saga in preparation for the release of The Force Awakens that I reevaluated its placement. I came to the conclusion that while I love this movie, there were certain things I could have done without. Most people will agree with me when I say that they didn't need to spend so much time with the ewoks, which was a bit unnecessary. Although it did lead to one of my favorite moments in the series. C3PO the god. I also think that this one showed a bit too much of the emperor. I'll compare it to a horror movie, when the main source of thrills is shrouded in mystery and only used sparingly, it's a much more menacing threat. In the final act once it becomes a more tangible thing, a lot of the scare factor depletes. When he was the mysterious figure that DARTH freaking VADER was subservient to, he seemed like a larger than life threat which Luke and co. could never touch. Then once Return of the Jedi came along he was reduced to just another sith lord in my eyes. I seem to be in the minority on this one though, and it's a very minor gripe at best. But for me personally that brings Return of the Jedi down to the #3 spot. EDIT: Jesus does this movie have an awesome intro, tied for my favorite in the series.

#2. Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back

      If any hardcore fans haven't already clicked off and disliked then I'm sure this is the moment they're going to. Just the fact that this isn't number one, not to mention what's coming next is enough to piss a lot of people off. I know the Star Wars fanbase is a passionate one. I consider this a near perfect movie, to the point where I honestly can't really think of anything off the top of my head that's wrong with it. The AT-AT's, Luke's character development, Han Solo at his best, LANDO CALRISSIAN, LANDO CALRISSIAN (just had to say it again), the best final lightsaber fight in the whole franchise. This movie just hit all the right notes, and of course I can't forget the most infamous plot twist in all of cinematic history.... "No, I am your father." They really struck gold with this one. I don't really even have much to say on it which hasn't been beaten into the ground already.

#1. Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith

      Ok, so admittedly this isn't a perfect film by any means. Hayden Christensen's delivery is still questionable at times, a few of the quips are once again eyebrow raising, and the ending felt a tad bit rushed, plus the fight between Anakin and Obi Wan was dragged out for too long. But with all that being said, it's without a doubt my favorite Star Wars film. The CGI was improved leaps and bounds ahead of the first two prequels, the dialogue saw a marked improvement (for the most part), Obi Wan was at his best in the entire series, Grievous with four lightsabers????? This movie is even better if one had watched the animated The Clone Wars before viewing it, as it adds more context and gives Anakin's fall a lot more weight. Yet even on its own I think this is a very enjoyable movie. If Return of the Jedi never happened I would say that the opening sequence of Episode 3 is without a doubt my favorite in the series, but choosing between the two is tough... Palpatines subtle manipulation of Anakin was pulled off very well, and the fight between him and Yoda was a prime example of how to pull off a believable Yoda action sequence without betraying his character *cough* Episode 2 *cough*. When I think of the Star Wars universe, the two films which come to mind are this one and The Empire Strikes Back. I just love this movie, that's all I can really say.

I'd love to hear any differing opinions.