A Geeky Dad’s Movie Guide to Smallfoot (2018)

Before I begin, I would like to apologize for not reviewing this movie sooner.

Because my 13 year old son did not want to see it, it was tough to find the time to just take my 11 year old daughter. If I had seen it sooner, I could have warned all of you of the following:

There is absolutely no reason any adult ever needs to watch this movie.

Some may say, "But hey, I want to take my children to see it."

Don't worry, you still can. Just bring something to read or a pillow.

I saw this movie on a Sunday afternoon. I am fairly certain that I was the only person in the audience who was not constantly checking their fantasy football stats. I'm fairly certain some people went as far as to actually draft a team for the day just so they would have something to do for the next 90 minutes.

Lucky them. (Normally I'd be angry about this distraction, but there was really nothing to be distracted from.)

Because I have a strict no-cellphone policy when I go to a movie, I fought through the temptation and left mine in my pocket. As a result, I wasted MANY brain cells watching this nonsense.

The best part of this movie was the fact that I saw it in a crowded theater filled with little kids. They giggled a lot. That helped. I honestly think my daughter was on the absolute highest end of the age demographic who could possibly enjoy this movie. She enjoyed the physical comedy, fart jokes and songs (she sang along to a couple of them which made it all worth while). I did not.

Kids loved this thing.

What was incredibly strange is that when the creatures weren't farting or crashing into things, the story got very complicated. I am guessing the writers were trying to reach a teenage audience or parents with a deep social message... but it was just weird.

At first I thought it was an allegory for the scientific revolution. Then it turned into a commentary on spreading false information. Then it seemed to try to teach the lesson that creatures that are different should get along with one another. In the end, it was such a mess that I think the final message was "humans suck".

Normally I do not get turned off by movies that others find "too preachy". Kids movies need to be simple and often try to be quite obvious about teaching a positive lesson. I mean I don't get mad at The Little Engine That Could for constantly hammering home the idea that you should believe in yourself and never give up. Unfortunately, this movie did such a poor job of it that I was actually annoyed by their attempts at being positive.

This should be you sneaking away so you don't get stuck taking your kids to see this.

So if you have kids under the age of 11, I bet they will really like this movie. However, if you are smart, you will find a way to get someone else to take your kids.

Geeky Dad's Movie Guide

Number of times I fell asleep: 0
Number of eye rolls: 5 (If I cared more, I could have rolled my eyes more.)
Number of face palms: 0
Number of times I checked steemit: 0 (I wish I had for 90 minutes straight.)
Number of times I said "That's ridiculous": 0
Did my kids like it: 11 year old daughter liked it. 13 year old son was wise enough to stay home.
Would I see it without my kids: NO!
Full price/Matinee/Rental/Free/Not worth the time: Netflix (for the kids).

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