What is antidote to loneliness that every one must have!

My loneliness has plagued me my whole life. This is a major reason I became a relationship coach. I wanted to know why some of my relationships were more important than others. I wanted to know why I felt sad sometimes and happy other times being alone.

Why do some relationships help us feel better? I wanted to solve the riddle. I frequently switched between wanting to be alone and with others, which is typical introversion. I wanted to be among others in a specific way—not to converse, mingle, or party.

I wanted to feel the warmth between us. Safe and comfy were my goals. I desired closeness. Having a distant relationship made me feel more isolated than being alone.

Most loneliness counsel was useless because of this: “Get out more!” said experts. "Relationships are a numbers game...make enough acquaintances and you'll eventually end up with good friendships." It seemed sensible. However, it was exhausting.

Most of us have someone we feel a connection with, but we don't know how to nurture it. We can't move on from a casual interaction with a dear friend.

Through research and contemplation, I've found that most lonely people have access to others. The ache is not from this. Lack of a certain emotion in relationships causes anguish. The emotion is closeness.

“In a distant relationship, you'll feel like the other person doesn't know or care about you. The absence of proximity, or distance, causes loneliness. So it's not enough to be around people. You must connect with them.”

As the phrase above shows, two individuals feel close when they know and care for each other. I name these closeness qualities “knowing” and “caring”. A close relationship requires understanding someone from their own perspective.

This is unlike how we “know” people. We think we know someone when we've engaged with them a lot and formed an idea about "what they are like." To build connection, you must first grasp how they see themselves.

After seeing someone from their perspective, show them you care. Show that you care about their pleasure and well-being. Communicating that you care about someone doesn't mean becoming "concerned" or worried about their well-being, which is merely taking out your worries on them.

Three words indicate, “Not only do I see the real you, but I want to keep the real you good.” Give and receive this message from loved ones. What else? When you're alone, you desire understanding, worth, and companionship.

You can share this sensation with anyone who wants it. Closeness is something you can develop. You can finally stop being alone.

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