Ten Pounds of Acceptance

The first step towards developing practice acceptance is recognizing what things are absolutely out of our control. For example, it may not be possible to control whether your child will grow up to become an artist, doctor, lawyer, or whatever. The key is noticing, though, what's worth fighting for, what's worth changing or resisting, and what alternative actions might take to get where we want to go.


This week, I'd like to practice acceptance, not in the way of accepting yourself as a person who might be able to help others, but in a more empowering manner, that feels authentic and healthy. Acceptance is never simply about letting yourself suffer in unhealthy ways. If you are doing your best to practice acceptance right now, you are saying to yourself and everyone around you, "I am worth getting hurt over, or letting myself be beaten or killed because of." The fear of experiencing this sort of anguish is an emotion that you need to let go of. Focusing on avoiding painful feelings is not the same as learning to embrace your suffering.

It takes work to develop your mindset for accepting yourself and others. Some people have a hard time developing this kind of mindset. You can improve your mindset by studying and thinking about the experiences of those around you, especially those who have achieved personal growth. Incorporating the language and ideas of those who have gone before you, along with taking the same actions, can put you on the road to developing a more positive outlook on life.

To practice acceptance and happiness, you need to detach from the suffering you may feel. Detaching gives you room to consider your options and create a path for happy growth. While it's important to accept the suffering you're dealing with, you don't have to ignore them. Acknowledging them can help you to take control of the situation and even find creative ways to work through them so you can grow through them and eventually accept them as a part of growing up.

When you practice acceptance, you also practice detachment. Happiness and joy come when you release yourself from the emotional pains you may be experiencing. Whether you are feeling angry, sad, or depressed, or even starting to feel mad at someone, the last thing you want to do is get even more attached to the outcome than you already are. You should learn how to detach from your emotions so you can accept the outcome instead of being attached to them.

Another benefit of detachment is finding peace and comfort in the midst of chaos. Chaos and suffering may seem impossible to control but as you start to focus on the outcomes you want instead of the negative aspects of the situation, you will find peace and comfort by letting go of what can not be changed. The Stoics recommend that you practice acceptance and then set aside what cannot be changed in life so you can look at what you can change, and leave the rest. The Stoicism exercise of detachment lets go of what cannot be changed but allows you to accept what is.

The final benefit of practicing acceptance is discovering happiness. Happiness comes when you accept yourself for who you are. In order to feel happy, you have to start accepting things about yourself such as your flaws, your imperfections, your ethnicity, your cultural background, your weight, your looks, your voice, and more. Once you've accepted all of those, you'll be happy in your own way. That includes being content with who you are and being content with the way you look and the way you act.

You may be surprised to discover that Stoicism can make a difference in your daily life. If you practice detachment and accept things about yourself that aren't good, you might find a different path for living. Stoicism offers a way to accept what's right and what's wrong without holding a grudge or holding onto something you dislike about yourself. So the next time you feel angry about something, consider making a theta symbol (or a lock of your key) and you'll find it easier to accept yourself.