The Purpose in Life is the Life of Purpose - The Belonging Pillar

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What's the difference between happiness and having meaning in life?

Many psychologists said happiness is comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, is deeper than happiness. Martin Seligman, a renowned psychologist said meaning comes from belonging to and serving something bigger than yourself and from developing the best within you.

One of the bullshit rules (brules) is In order to be happy, we need to have the perfect home, perfect partner, perfect job, rich and healthy.

Sadly, society has been pursuing a temporary sense of satisfaction which I called happiness. Does buying a branded bag that you've always wanted makes you happy? YES! But do you feel happy 3 months later? Probably not.

Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes.
Happiness does not fulfill you from within, but meaning does.

So how do we live our lives meaningfully?

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According to Emily Eshafani Smith, a journalist and the author of The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed With Happiness, there are 4 pillars of a meaningful life.

1. Belonging
2. Purpose
3. Trancendence
4. Storytelling

I will cover in this post, the first pillar, Belonging

Belonging

Belonging springs from love. You are valued as a person, as a human, and you also treat others the same. For example, your partner or your friend loves you for who you truly are. Fundamentally, they love you unconditionally. According to TD Jakes, these people are your confidants. They're into you, whether you're up or down.

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How do you feel when you're like a part of something bigger than yourself? Let's say, a group of friends, your family, your community? The connection you have with them is of quality, meaning you can count on each other. You trust each other. Everyone will back you up in case you fall. They're into you, whether you're up or down, a failure or a success.

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These groups of people who you feel belong to, are often, very few or sometimes none. If you have none, one of your purpose is to search for these confidants, because they support you when you're down, they celebrate with you when you're up, and they're happy for you when you achieve something. They are vital in your life. If you have a few, your purpose is to make them your priority and make time for them, and be their confidant as well.

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I am very, extremely lucky to have found my first confidant in such an early stage.He is someone who I really love for who he is and I feel so right being with him. He loves me for who I truly am and accepts all of my strengths, weaknesses, values, beliefs, and everything else in me. We loves each other unconditionally, for who we are. We became each other's confidants.

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To have somewhere you can return home, somewhere you can always retreat to when you're stressed out and someone who you can always turn to create a meaningful, purposeful life. You feel you are loved as a human because you deserve it.

Ask yourself these simple yet powerful questions in the Belonging pillar,

1. Who are the people in my life who are my confidants?
2. Who are the people in my life who can be my confidants?
3. Who are the people in my life who I can be their confidants?
4. What needs to be in place, or happen for me to find my confidants?
5. How my relationship or social life will turn out if I feel belonged to someone or a group of people?
6. Why having someone who I can confide to, trusts me and loves me unconditionally is important to me? How my life will turn out to be?

These questions help you to:

1. Identify who are the people in your life that are your confidants, or can be your confidants. This helps you to prioritize the many friends you have.
2. Identify the people in your life that you are willing to be their confidants. These people are your priority too, because you want to gain their trust and love.
3. Define your actions in finding confidants. If joining a specific community needs to happen, you will find those communities. If socializing is required, you will socialize.
4. Visualize how your ideal life will be when you feel truly belonged. This becomes your goal and your motivation.
5. Finally, the most important is your purpose of having sense of belonging. Why is it important to you?

Remember, you do not need a lot of confidants. Just a handful of highest quality will make your life meaningful.

I will cover the second pillar in my next post :)

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