How do we get someone to confide in us?
Since it's not always simple to persuade someone to open up to us, it's important to understand the attitudes to use when asking someone to confide.
Do you prefer to keep things to yourself or do you frequently confide in others around you about both positive and unpleasant experiences? It's sometimes beneficial to be able to discuss things that are not going well, even if everyone has their own private garden and handles what they want to share or not in their own unique way.
A notable New York Times piece addressed how communication affects our amygdala complex. This is the area of the brain that is primarily responsible for assigning emotional significance to stimuli in the environment. Thus, fear, aggression, and even worry are under control.
According to a UCLA study, verbalising our feelings—especially unpleasant ones—helps to gradually lessen the amygdala's reaction in delicate circumstances. and as a result, control your stress better. However, even with the best of intentions, there are situations when it is impossible to get any information out of a loved one who appears to be going through a difficult period.
Four qualities that make someone a good confidant
It goes without saying that you should never force someone to tell you something they do not want to. Additionally, you have to recognise that sometimes people just don't want to or aren't ready to tell you certain things.
But you have to take on certain attitudes in order for this individual to know that you are willing to listen to them. Psychologist Julie Smith shared her four golden keys for getting someone to open up to you in an Instagram video:
Get rid of all judgement: the expert says, "As soon as someone feels judged, you lose them." Simply attempt to comprehend it. Empathy is your greatest ally in this situation. Prior to assessing the matter in light of your own values, it is crucial that you pay attention to what they have to say and make an effort to understand their perspective.
Ask open-ended questions instead than closed ones, as the latter will inevitably result in a "yes" or "no" response to the discussion. Julie Smith suggests asking someone what's bothering them right now instead of if they're okay.
Put what was said back in your own terms: She says that it "invites them to continue and gives them the feeling of being listened to."
Embrace discomfort: If someone is able to confide in you, it's likely that they may cry out of sheer emotion. Refrain from trying to end the conversation abruptly and go on.
The psychotherapist says, "Allow this emotion without trying to make it disappear." It is more beneficial to your recovery to let the emotion exist and pass naturally than to try to ignore or suppress it.