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Healthy boundaries are essential in any and all relationships. One of my favourite sayings is: 'If the word No is not welcome in a relationship, it is not a healthy relationship.' So many things that have gone wrong in relationships can be traced back to a lack of boundaries. If you had only established those boundaries early the relationship would have been better and healthier and would have lasted longer.

One of the boundaries that we find in nature that gives me endless pleasure is the coastline. That place where the land says to the sea, 'This is it. No further.' I have spent so many hours just staring at this sight, drinking in the sounds and smells. There are many things I learnt about boundaries from watching the waves crash into the rocks. In this post, I want to share the two most important learnings with you.

1. No means no

It is obvious that the sea is not very excited about being prevented from going wherever it pleases. And it is equally obvious that the land is completely unfazed by this. A boundary can only be established in absolute terms. You do not erect a fence in territory that we share. Rather we put up a fence where your territory ends and mine begins. A fence is not a structure easily moved and if we say no one day and yes the next an effective boundary will not be established.

When you establish a boundary, stick to your guns! A boundary brings security on both sides but is only good if it is well-established and clear to all concerned.

2. The fat lady never sings

A relationship of any kind can never be a static thing. People are complex and highly dynamic beings. The interaction between head and heart is constant, eternal and ever-changing. Thus, as an automatic result, the interaction between any two people will ebb and flow causing the necessity that boundaries need to be constantly upheld. Establishing a boundary takes time but it is never done. Don't relax regarding it.

When you establish a boundary, stick to your guns! The moment you remove it, you will lose every benefit of it.

'If the word No is not welcome in a relationship, it is not a healthy relationship.'

Work hard at establishing healthy boundaries in every relationship. It will benefit everyone involved!

@reonlouw

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