TIME TO STOP BEING NICE. Some People Just Want To Use You.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH: It's Time to Stop Being a Doormat! A Guide to Finding Your Spine:
How I Learned to Stop Pleasing People and Start Standing Up for MYself

For years, I was a doormat. I let people walk all over me with a smile on my face. But I’d had enough! It was time to take back my power and stop being so dang nice all the time.

Being a doormat started young. As a kid, I never wanted to rock the boat so I always did what I was told. Sure, my home life was chaotic but keeping the peace was safer than dealing with the explosion.

In school, I stayed quiet and kept my head down to avoid becoming a target for bullies. I guessed someone had to be the butt of all jokes, so it may as well be me to spare someone else that pain.

College wasn’t much better. While my roommate parties raged next door, I buried my head in books, hoping if I got good grades someone might finally notice me. Spoiler alert - they didn’t!

The working world was more of the same. I said “yes” to every request without question just so my boss would like me. Never mind that it left me drowning in extra work while others took smoke breaks. My reward? More work while they got promotions!

Enough. Was. Enough!

It was time to stop being a freakin’ pushover and start sticking up for number one - me! Here’s how I went from Doormat to Dynamo and never looked back...

CHAPTER 1: Stop Being The Nice Guy

For years I naively thought being “nice” was a virtue. But really, all it got me was used, abused and confused! Nice guys (and gals) finish last because jerks never hesitate to trample all over our good nature. The harsh truth? People will only treat you as badly as you allow.

By constantly going along to get along and avoiding conflict at all costs, I sent the message that my worth was less than scrubbing gum off shoes. No more! It was time to ditch the “nice guy” routine once and for all. From now on, if someone wanted something from me it better be a real two-way exchange, not a one-sided sham where I'm left carrying the weight. My days of being an emotional or intellectual doormat were over!

CHAPTER 2: Learn To Say NO Without Guilt

Just because friends constantly blew off plans we’d made so they could party didn’t mean it was ok. But I’d let it slide time and again, too afraid of rocking the boat or feeling like a “bad friend.” NO MORE guilt trips! Going forward, I had to put myself and my needs first without apology.

Did hanging out interfere with my weekend to-do list? Then sorry, not sorry - plans were cancelled! Was my free time being wasted waiting around for friends who flaked half the time? You bet I started making other plans without them. My life was too short to waste on “maybes.” Learning to feel ok with the word “NO” and not explain myself every time was so freeing. I owned my decisions without justifying or making excuses. What a concept!

From now on, my time, energy and happiness mattered most. If others didn’t respect that, well then they weren’t truly friends worth keeping around. Sayonara suckers!

CHAPTER 3: Don’t Be Afraid to Be “Selfish”

For too long I thought wanting anything for myself was selfish and greedy. I spent years putting everyone else first to my own demise. But no more Mr. (or Ms.) Nice Guy! Who cares what others may think of me having my own needs, goals or desires?

Their opinion didn’t pay my bills or support my dreams. It was time I valued my own vision as much as anyone else’s. When a boss expected me to work overtime for no pay, you better believe I declined fast and offered suggestions for reasonable solutions instead.

Accusing me of being “selfish” no longer worked either. Friends who guilted me for not dropping everything to chauffeur them around got shown the door too. I was choosing ME now, and if they had issues with my very reasonable boundaries, peace out haters! It felt great to finally live unapologetically for myself. Turns out being “selfish” just meant having self-respect. Who knew?! I wish I’d learned this lesson way sooner in life.

CHAPTER 4: Don't Explain, Assert

For so long, my default was justifying every choice to others as if I owed constant explanations. But you know what? I DON’T HAVE TO JUSTIFY A DAMN THING! If a friend dumped plans on me last minute, too bad - we weren’t rescheduling and that’s that. If a colleague tried pawning extra work off on me, no explainers given - my plate was full, find someone else to take advantage of.

Simply stating my position clearly yet calmly without defending or making excuses threw people for a loop at first. They expected me to cave under pressure, tell them whyyyy I said no, or try bargaining. Nope! My word was law this time around. It felt like a weight was lifted realizing I didn’t need anyone’s approval or permission to set boundaries that worked for me. My “no” carried enough power on its own without JADE-ing (justifying, arguing, defending or explaining).

I wondered why this concept hadn’t occurred to me sooner!

CHAPTER 5: Use Your Voice - And Humor!

For years I stayed silent to keep the peace, never speaking up for myself even when deeply unhappy. But you know what they say - the pen is mightier than the sword! And so is humor. Now when facing a tough conversation, I reminded myself it was ok to be firm yet fun.

A lighthearted tone decreases hostility while still getting my point across. For Example: When a freeloading "friend" begged me for money after skipping out on bills, again, I said "Sorry your earnings don't cover porn payments this week. Maybe try an OnlyFans? Now please stop harassing me before I post your desperation DMs online!" Bam, problem solved AND it was kind of funny.

Learning not to take everything so seriously and inject humor helped dissolve tension like magic. Plus it's a lot harder for people to stay mad at a goofball! Who knew not taking myself so seriously could empower me in healthy ways?

I sure didn't. This approach worked wonders whether standing up to bosses, toxic exes, frenemies or just saying what I really thought more openly with those closest to me. By finding my voice combined with levity, I felt unstoppable!

The point is, if you don't respect my opinions, see ya later. Its a pretty good life, IF YOU ASK ME.