Why listening is important and what can we do to improve it? (Blog #4)
So why is listening important?
When you are listening you have the chance to learn something new but on the other hand if you are talking you are just repeating what you already know. If you want to be successful in communication learn to be a good listener. If you want to be a great leader learn to be a good listener. There is a big difference between listening and hearing.
• Do you want to expand and improve yourself or do you want keep talking trying to impress others?
• Are you listening with an attitude of learning something new or you are just listening in order to reply?
Eagerness to talk is an ego driven activity trying to prove to others that you are better. Is this helping you in any way? Of course not. This is an urge we all have. In order for you to understand it, and see how stupid it is, just think or place yourself in a situation where someone else is trying to impress you.
• Did his attempt to impress you, make any difference in your opinion about him/ her? It should be noted that our opinions about somebody, are always the first impression we get during our first meeting, and our opinion never changes after that, no matter what he/she does.
• Did you have a positive or a negative impression about this person?
• How did you feel about him/ her?
• What did you think about him/ her?
This means that the other person has the exact same feeling about you, when you are trying to do impress them.
How can we improve our listening?
The first thing to realize is what is stopping it. What stops the listening, is that constant dialog going on in your head between you and yourself called thoughts. Just watch yourself and see what you are doing when somebody is talking to you especially if the subject feels boring to you. You are living somewhere else. Right?
What can we do in order to stop this constant dialog that it keeps going on in our head?
We cannot stop thoughts but we can improve their quality. How can we do this?
Our thoughts are always generated or preceded by a question. May be you are not aware of it but this is how the system works because we live in a world of “duality” (see explanation below). Thus by asking positive questions, you will automatically switch your thinking to new direction.
• What can I lean by listening to this?
• How would that improve my life?
That is why when you are in a class and you are trying to takes notes, your listening level and your concentration of course, improves because you internally/ subconsciously are constantly asking questions like; “What is he trying to say?”, “What does that means?”, “is this important”, “why is that so?” etc.
What does “duality” mean? It means that everything is in two. We are a question and an answer at the same time; examples, question and answer, good and bad, nice and bad, two hands, two feet, two eyes or if it is one (nose) then it is splitted in two parts etc.
Why is everything in two? Everything is two because in order for us understand something we have to compare it with something else. For example, we cannot understand “white” unless we know what is “black”. Think about it
In summary
Learn to listen with curiosity and a will to learn, because this will definitely improve your personal life. By listening to other people’s perspective it does not make you less important.