Battling Addiction to Just Being Awesome

My name is Greg Miller, I battled a heavy opiate addiction for about 6 years. When I say "heavy," I mean it almost cost me my life twice, overdosing on heroine, heart stopped and needing to be revived. When I say "heavy," I mean that I had lost every last bit of a will to live, no more hopes, no more dreams, thoughts of ending it all by crashing into trees, driving off bridges, and many other ways that I was unable to justify doing. As I begin to cry while writing this, I was overcome by DARKNESS, lost in space and time, all alone even within a world of billions and a family that has always been so tightly knit and full of love. When I say "heavy," I mean staying in a crack house on occasion, sleeping in my car, being homeless, kicked out of the lives of those I loved most, for their own sanity and state of mind. When I say "heavy," I mean I was at the lowest of lows, battling my own inner demons on a daily basis, paralyzed by darkness, paralyzed by the mental obsession and at times the physical withdraw. My spirit just about buried 6 feet under, while the mind and body were still above ground; going through the motions, seeking out the next high to numb the madness, numb the disappointment, numb the REALITY of how my life had gone so wrong through my own choices. Numb to the fact that I was once this spectacular athlete who had the world by the balls, but ultimately making one poor choice, taking a left at the fork in the road, or maybe it was a right.... regardless, this path, this choice, led me down the wrong trail at the most crucial time....

I battled this addiction during what was supposed to be the "time of my life." Having just gotten drafted in June, by the Milwaukee Brewers in the 10th round of the MLB draft in 2008; I was ready to fulfill my dreams, my MISSION in life, or so I thought. I believed my mission to be this MLB superstar, an All-Star, a future Hall of Famer and to help inspire young children to reach their dreams as a professional baseball player and athlete. There was only one problem, I had already been drafted with a full blown addiction to pain pills. I had pills shipped out to me in teddy bears, in books, in dvds, etc... all while I was looking to build myself as a professional athlete and prove my worth as the Brewers 308th pick overall in the 2008 MLB Draft. It just seemed so fitting, Greg Miller would be with the Milwaukee Brewers, in time, playing in the Big Leagues at their stadium know as "Miller Park." You literally couldn't write it any better. This was going to be one for Hollywood, this was going to be one for the books! Eventually my abuse became so bad that I was released only 2 short years after being drafted, showing up to spring training hurt, having a cortisone shot in my elbow; since I had partially torn my UCL while throwing a bullpen right before heading to Arizona. The reason it tore being purely because of my lack of preparation and the non existent throwing program I chose, because I was too busy abusing my mind, body and spirit, with pain pills, heroine and more.  


I was in and out of rehab for several years, being shipped out by my family so they could live in peace, knowing I was safe in a rehab, just to find out I had left or been kicked out. My family had come to terms with the fact that they may get "THAT" phone call, the call that tells my parents and sisters that their son and brother is dead (I can't type this without balling my eyes out).... It was such a struggle, with what seemed to have no light at the end of the tunnel. I was now playing local summer ball in the RVL, which is the Rancocas Valley League. I was this egotistical, drug addicted, ex professional ball player, who would smoke cigarettes on the bench, drink a 6 pack of Budweiser, and do lines in the bathroom. Me even writing that makes me chuckle in disbelief, because I was such a jackass! It wasn't until my close friend and brother today, as well as what seemed to be an a-hole back then, Ezekiel Boren, confronted me by introducing me to his ex fiance as "the douche bag who smokes cigarettes and drinks beer on the bench." I was a little taken a back by that, I mean I was Greg Miller, I was this professional ball player (ex), who is this guy to talk about me like that.... and in that very moment, I heard the truth of who I had become, "A douche bag that smokes cigarettes and drinks beers on the bench." He just forgot to mention, "Who also blows lines in the bathroom like a total loser." 


I had now become not only disrespectful to my own self, but also to THE GAME that had taught me so much about myself growing up. A game that helped me learn from my failures, helped me persevere through the ups and downs, wins and losses, of a season. A game that helped me “GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE,” as my college coach from Seton Hall University would always say, which has stuck with me in life ever since. It is a game that has brought me, my family, and my friends, so much joy. Not only from watching me play, but for the game itself. A game that seems to be a microcosm for life on many levels. Learning team work, listening, being “coachable,” having a process, work ethic, dealing with failure, having mental fortitude, making adjustments; the list goes on. For those who have played baseball with the love and passion I speak of, will know that baseball is not just a “Game,” but rather A WAY OF LIFE; and for me to be treating it the same way I was treating myself was not going to fly. Not by me, and surely not by Zeke. 


It was that moment forward that Zeke and I began our friendship and brotherhood. It amazes me how baseball and sports in general, brings people together, creating bonds that last a lifetime. Zeke, who had also previously struggled with substance abuse, helped me realize that I had to make a CHOICE. I either want to become better, be my best version and INvest in myself, or I want to end up in jail or worse, DEAD! Gratefully, I chose life and it has been the most amazing journey of ups and downs, growth and failure, perseverance and lapses and ultimately an infinite PROCESS of being my best self, or as we like to call it, JUST BEING AWESOME! Through this process of learning about myself, growing as an individual, mentally, physically and spiritually; there have been several key components, a foundation if you will, that has been crucial to me crawling from the depths and stepping out of the darkness and back into the light. A foundation that I think applies to all those who NEED or want to make a change in their lives. Number one is making a CHOICE! I feel there is this misconception, especially within the world of recovery, that one must have this "spiritual awakening" in order to become his or her best version. It seems as if it is communicated that there is supposed to be this light that comes down or voice that says "its time to get clean." Well I am here to tell you that it may be the case for some, while others that may state this are full of it; it is about making a CHOICE. There are too many excuses and justifications when wrapped up in addiction; “I’ll get clean tomorrow.” “I’ll just get high one more time.” These are the types of conversations one has within oneself, in order to justify another high, to justify risking our lives one more time, and for what? For some false high that only lasts a short while, as we bury ourselves deeper and deeper in denial bc of the FEAR of facing the music?! Because of our FEAR of acknowledging the truth about who we have CHOSEN to become?! …. Make a CHOICE, make the change, drop the excuses and OWN IT!  

It is through this process that I realized God, the creator, the universe, whatever you choose to call it; had a much greater plan for me. I was meant to INSPIRE much more then just a community of athletes and baseball specifically. I was meant to be here to help ALL walks of life, to INFECT people with my new found LIGHT and POSITIVE ENERGY, gained through my life experience, my failures & my moments of weakness that almost cost me my life. I realized my PURPOSE, so much so, that I almost didn’t want to take responsibility for it once it hit me. I thought to myself, how am I going to INFLUENCE this world? What is one person like myself, going to be able to do to make an IMPACT on just one life, let alone many lives? It sounded and felt like nonsense to me, until it just started happening. I was becoming my best version, my AUTHENTIC SELF, and it was becoming noticed. I was getting messages from people online, thanking me for my daily positivity, telling me they looked forward to my inspirational posts. That they themselves were in a hole and seeing me change has helped them change. How it has helped shift their own mindset and appreciate life more. I’ve had people share their deepest darkest secrets with me, people that I have never met!!! 


I was finally able to SEE IT! The fact is, if all people thought, “How am I, just one person, going to influence a bunch of lives for the betterment of themselves and those around them?” …. CHANGE would never happen, we would all be stuck, because everyone would be living in their own fear of what others thought. Leadership would be dead and darkness would win over THE LIGHT; but I just wasn't willing to let that happen. So I decided to create a company called Authentic Awesomeness, a lifestyle brand that inspires people to “JUST BE AWESOME,” our trademark and slogan, that is about BEING BETTER EVERY DAY, through GRATITUDE, LOVE & HUMILITY! It has been AMAZING and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

As I mentioned briefly, "Just Being Awesome," is a process of growth, a journey of becoming our best self. It applies to all beings, not just those who have battled addiction or who have been through a serious struggle. It is for all those who consciously choose to BE BETTER EVERY DAY on some level; whether that be mentally, physically, and/or spiritually. It is about loving and respecting oneself, and in turn loving and respecting others. Life is short when we look at it from a universal timeline of infinity. Life has happened before we were here and it'll happen long after we go; LIFE GOES ON. My challenge is simple, live each day to the max, INvest in YOU! We are here to experience this journey, to truly live out whatever it is we CHOOSE to put our minds to. It is time to make a change, to BE BETTER, to have that belief in self. There will always be those who want to bring you down, which is why it is important to surround ourselves around the winners, the doers, the dreamers, and those who help us "Level up" so to speak. If you show me your friends, I will show you your future. It's as simple as that. So get on with your AWESOME! Today is the Best Day Ever, the only day we've got. Either make a choice and BE BETTER, or make the choice to continue the path of self destruction. The point is, IT IS YOUR CHOICE, and yours alone. It is time to release all that no longer serves your being in a positive manner and begin to..... JUST. BE. AWESOME! 

………..How will you be better today?! JBA!