Armchair Musings #7 - Dealing With Betrayal

You once were someone I could dignify (ah, ah)

A guiding force, in which I thought I could rely

I watched as you began to metamorphosize (ah)

Can't face it anymore, it's eating me alive

…

You are forever changed

And there's nothing more that I can do

-Disturbed, Who; Album: Immortalized

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I let myself in, tossing my keys and bag to the side. Stomping up the stairs, I was about to go to my room when I stopped myself. I remembered my brother would probably be awake, and would ask me what was up when he saw my red eyes. That would probably launch us into a conversation of feelings that we were all ill equipped to have.

I had just been hurt by someone I didn’t think was capable of such maliciousness. It was worse than being stabbed in the back, because it was being stabbed in the back by the guy who you specifically told to watch your back, Sori.

I saved us both the stress and went into the living room instead, crashing down into the closest chair and letting waves of sadness run through me. I didn’t cry though, which made me feel uncomfortable. Like there were repressed feelings I hadn’t let go of.

Sadness gave way to tiredness, and as I slipped in and out of my awakened state, I started to think if there was going to be a way to ever get past feeling like this. 

Ergo, I commenced musing…

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We’ve all been there. When we’re hurt by someone we know in the most brutal of ways. A friend, parent, spouse, sibling, dog, it doesn’t matter. It may leave us feeling terrible, or worse, terrible about ourselves, for a very long time.

It’s a tough hole to dig ourselves out of, especially if we don’t know where or how to start. So let’s take it from the top, and see if we can make heads or tails out of this barrel of bullshit we’ve gotten ourselves into.

Firstly, imagine yourself before the incident. For this example we’ll be using yours truly, moi. So you’re a young, handsome, tall, dark guy. You have a great sense of humour, with a beard created and groomed by the gods, an ass that won’t quit (no matter how much you ask it too) and a set of teeth that look like an angry warlock cast some of his meanest spells on it (it’s okay, you make it work).

This is a good you. You like this you.

Now let’s imagine you right after the incident. 

You’re still all those things above, now with the addition of being sad, angry and afraid. You’re shocked at what happened, feeling like you’re owed a healthy dose of vengeance. If given a lawnmower, you know EXACTLY what you’re gonna mow, and it’s not so much "mow a lawn" as it is the face of your Sori (this is the new moniker of evil in the AM Universe). 

Now all that’s left is how we’re gonna feel in the future. There’s something to note here, though. All the feelings right after the incident, are additions. This means that they can be removed. 

You wanna know why they can be removed? Because underneath all the bullshit you’re feeling now, the person you were before is still alive and kicking. You just need to help them get out.

Whatever Sori did to you, it shouldn’t – nay – cannot destroy who you used to be. Whatever he did, it didn’t destroy how handsome you are. It didn’t take away your other, clearly more useful friends. It didn’t destroy your awesome sense of humour. Your ass is still not quitting. So what’s the problem?

Did you lose money? You’ll make it back. Respect? Dignity? Same thing, what’s lost can be gained back. Unless you lost a limb (in which case DEAR LORD STOP READING THIS AND GO TO THE POLICE YOU MANIAC), I’m pretty sure the marvelous misadventures of our friendly neighbourhood dipshit Sori didn’t destroy your core values.

The things that made you you didn't disappear into the ether, it's just covered under a coating of some nasty business that happened to you. All you gotta do is wipe off all the poop that he rubbed off on you, and you’ll be shiny again in no time.

So take your time to grieve, learn from your mistakes, and get back up there. Forget about Sori and his antics, that ship has sailed. And if it hasn’t, firebomb it and watch it sink into the harbor, you’ve won.

You are NOT beaten, get up! - Queen Myrrah, Gears of War 3

And the next time you see your Sori, well then hearken to the sweet, soothing words of Disturbed in their song, Forgiven:

Forgiven to me

Forgiven to me

You’re just another dead man living to me.

Until next time,

Ciao.

PS. I’m running out of noble yet novel ways to say “upvote, resteem and comment” (Is this one?), so I’m sure you know what to do.

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ALL IMAGES COURTESY OF PIXABAY