How the Society Makes Life Difficult for Newbie Mommies
The minute a woman conceives a child and breaks the news to the people around her, she is bombarded with lots of advice, suggestions and guidelines constantly and don’t stop perturbing her even if it drives her crazy.
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Don’t stand or sit a certain way.’
‘Don’t eat this, you may cause discomfort to yourself or your baby.’
‘Stop complaining of your pains; everyone goes through this.’
‘You don’t need extra care or rest; this is normal.’
‘There is no need for a Lamaze class or special yoga; you will make it through the pregnancy without these things too.’
Then when the woman is about to her baby, she is notified of some other concerns too that add to her routine stress.
‘Make sure to breastfeed her. Formula milk does not provide babies with enough nutrition.’
‘Spend as much time as you want with your partner/ spouse before you have your baby because you won’t get any time then.’
‘Work on shaping up your body within the first few weeks or else you’ll forever stay fat and flabby.’
This supply of unwanted suggestions continue even after she has her baby and she is constantly reminded of how she is not doing her job right. And if she decides not to breastfeed her baby and opt for formula instead, she is often looked down upon by the many elderly women in her social circle. I don’t know if this situation is prevalent in the west too but it sure is terrible here in Pakistan.
I decided to breastfeed my son and even did so for the first 4 months but when he was 4 months old, he had a throat infection and when he recovered, he refused to latch on to my breast completely. He found it easier to drink from his bottle and drank enough milk daily according to his needs. I was happy as long as my son was thriving but the many elderly women around me made sure to upset me.
‘Why have you stopped breastfeeding your baby?’ My answer: ‘It wasn’t really my choice. I tried for an entire month to even force him to breastfeed but he wouldn’t accept it at all.’
‘You are not doing right you know. It’s not healthy for your baby.’ This one comment used to frustrate me to a great extent and usually, I stayed quiet on this one but deep down, I felt like shouting and telling them: ‘I am not a monster. I too know what’s good for my baby and it’s not like I am feeding him poison.’
‘Your baby is too weak and that’s because you don’t breastfeed him.’ Honestly, my baby was quite healthy. He had a healthy body weight and he was achieving all his milestones on time. I even consulted his pediatrician for this concern and his response comforted me a lot. He told me not to pay much attention to the naysayers around and that my baby was doing perfectly fine.
Although I tried my best not to pay much attention to the bickering people around me but that battle wasn’t an easy one. The first year after having my baby was extremely excruciating. My son was extremely colicky and slept very little so I was already not resting and relaxing enough and these people around me added to my misery. It took me about a year and a half to understand that I didn’t suck as a mother and wasn’t as bad as I thought I was. I realized that as the mother of my child, I had only his best interests at heart and was doing whatever I could for his well-being. When I started being kind to myself, I started feeling calmer and this improved my relationship with my son too.
The main reason I decided to write on this topic was to give comfort to all those mommies who are going through a hard time because of the people around them and to help them understand that they are amazing mothers and doing a great job. You need to be happy with yourself, acknowledge your efforts more and be appreciative of yourself to focus better on your child’s needs and take good care of him.
I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for speaking up on this subject. Many mothers tend to feel ashamed for their parenting choices because there will always be someone out there thinking you got it all wrong and it's somehow their job to point that out to you.
I love seeing mothers on Steemit!
I am glad you enjoyed it. And you are right- there are so many mother who feel embarrassed cos of their parenting choices because the people around them make them feel that way. This is exactly why I wrote this post. As a mother, focus on your child and see what works best for him and just stop feeling bad of the choices you make. We are trying our best to do the best for our babies and we shouldn't let others feel bad about ourselves. :) Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment :)
I can totally relate to this! Everyone likes to provide you with their opinion on what they think is best. You either walk away from them wandering if you should take their advice on board, or go with your instincts. MOST of the time, your instincts are so right! But this is such a common issue that mothers and parents come across. Best advice from me is to go with what you think is best and try not to worry too much about pleasing others, as it is YOU who has to raise your child every day :-)
Great post!
Upvoted & Resteemed
Thank you so much @sarahstarkey. Now i have started going with what I feel is best too and have stopped pleasing others. U are a mommy too?
I agree with most of the part of your article. Those suggestions are certainly unwanted. I can totally understand the frustration. Especially the society we both live in. You and I both know the left eye brow going up while you're feeding your child in a way you're not 'supposed' to, haha.
But that's fine. I am sure nobody around you is your child's enemy. Everyone wants the little ones to be healthy. Its just that the elderly women have the experience and in our society, it is mostly 'desi' and they naturally think these 'powders' etc. being manufactured in 'unsafe' and 'unhealthy' (as reported on media) environment are only going to be harmful to the child. They rightly believe that a mother's breast contains everything the child requires and needs at that particular age.
Most of the time, its just that they are being too careful that it starts bugging us/you/young women. Just like I drive with only one (right) hand on the steering. Whenever my dad sits with me, he asks me to make it a 10 to 2 position and that's ONLY how it is supposed to be to drive 'safe'. I know I can be safe with one hand too (considering an electric power steering), but I always do that whenever he says.
I know and understand the intensity of what you're sharing is way higher and there's no doubt about that.
Great post and I'm sure it is going to heal a lot of chests out there if they read it.
You know what, you just made me gain a better perspective on this issue. While I knew the elderly had our best interests and especially those of our children at heart, it still bugged me. Your example made it easier for me to understand their concern. Thank you :D
Thank God. This is the best thing I have read/heard Today. Thank you for this, Sharoon. I am glad I was of some help. Reasons are very important to find. Once we find them, life becomes easier.