People near me, in difficult times say, no worries, money is not everything ... do something you do enjoy and like … well I think this is baloney !! Money is EVERYTHING.

Money is not everything, although in a certain way, money always offers the possibility of getting onto another route and reach the heart of the problem.

At a recent council for family enterprises, several family members talked about whether money solves the conflicts of family businesses. Seated around the table, most agreed on, particularly the older members, that family conflicts are really severe when business does not go well, and there are rarely any problems in the family when money flows well.

But is this really true? Does money solve or reduces the conflicting emotions presented by most family members? In particular, if the feelings of envy and inequity, and the pressures and financial needs increase? One family member lamented that every time a talk about a problem with a parent came up, they always responded by asking how much money was in need.

Perhaps the money serves as temporary ointment to relieve the wounds related to jealousy and inequities. More seriously, sometimes, it serves as an analgesic drug, which temporarily stops the discomfort but actually conceals the core of the problem, making the healing process more difficult.

Are most family business conflicts related to money? The answer is no – SURPRISE CONCLUSION. Most family business conflicts are related to love and the way they deal with the difficult tasks of life development, such as aging or retirement. In reality, we know very little about how to separate business needs from those of the family. We also do not know how to create teams between the brothers and the different generations.

Do I work for benefit of the company, or just do what daddy tells me ... good money flow -> happy faces

The vast majority of family businesses are run by the patriarch or the matriarch, in a manner similar to how they guide their families. They see themselves as responsible for the well-being of their children and simultaneously are mediators of the conflicting pressures and expectations created by themselves, their spouses, their children and their culture. Faced with conflicting needs, they prioritize and allocate funds for the development of businesses and for their homes, that is, they organize, at their discretion, funds for the university, for marriage, and to meet needs related to lifestyles of their children and grandchildren. Sadly, in the mind of the patriarch or matriarch, the unhappiness of children becomes into a question such as how can I help them financially?

Of course, there are numerous real financial needs related to college, grandchildren and lifestyle, which raise the question: how can parents better help their adult children? The answer, of course, depends on both the specific relationships and the individual character of each child. Parents should also be expected to help their adult children meet their personal development needs, either by learning to save or giving, or by teaching them how to make sound financial decisions. The efficient parent and business leader must find a balance that allows him to get out of the extremes between excessive control and lack of direction or assistance.

,,, for some, having the opportunity to work in a family company with good historical financial results is like a lotto or as if born with a silver spoon in the mouth .. just lucky ..

Trafalgar is married, has 45 years, 2 children and problems to pay the bills; has a history of spending a lot. In the eyes of his parents, he has a lifestyle too sumptuous. Trafalgar's younger son has problems at school so his wife wants to send him to a private school, but they cannot afford it. At the end of a business meeting with a client, Trafalgar addresses his father and says, "Now that we have this account, I want us to discuss an increase. As you know, my youngest son has problems at school and we cannot pay him the type of private school he needs.

Will the money solve the problem? What is the problem? The problem is Trafalgar's need for fiat? Will Trafalgar spend it irresponsibly? Is he poorly paid? Is the problem that Trafalgar’s father gives him money every time there is any need, regardless of the realities of the business? Is this related to business, or is it a family petition?

..and this is the classic problem of family business … It is clear that the father wants the best for his grandchildren and knows that Trafalgar cannot afford it. If he gives Trafalgar the funds for the children's school he may be reinforcing the belief that you do not need to learn to manage your money. If he refuses, he risks Trafalgar & wife, and probably his own wife, to recriminate him and distance himself from all … aaaggghhhh. It would be wonderful if money solved the conflicts of family business, but it simply did not reach the heart of the problem.

If the child decides to live beyond his own means, the right question is: why? Why does a reasonably healthy individual decide to live his life in such a way that he cannot pay his expenses or depends on the finances of his parents? If the child is poorly paid (according to the market and the realities of the business), WHY is the right question again. Why is the child's job paid poorly and why does the father pay his child badly? And more importantly, can they reasonably talk about this issue?

How can father and son separate the family from business issues to ensure the integrity and happiness of both family and business relationships? As a family, many grandparents consider it a great honor to be able to provide their grandchildren with a private education, a beautiful gift. However, this should not be confused with business and wages. The salary must be paid according to the market value. Bonds should be awarded according to individual performance and business success. The love of parents must always be present and should not be confused with the success of the business. Living on our own is a matter of personal responsibility and emotional intelligence.

Does money solve this aspect of family business? At best, it does so on a temporary basis and at worst can introduce more distances and less effective communication. In this case, the hope is that the father or the son can use this moment to open a door between them and talk in depth about the aspects that underlie the child's requirement, and thus can clearly separate the realities of the family from the business.

References:
https://hbr.org
http://www.cnbc.com
http://www.hublerfamilybusiness.com
https://www.entrepreneur.com
http://www.businesspsychology.com

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