This may be a very touchy topic I apologize to any who may have gone through the same thing I have.***

I don’t know if people just say it’ll get easier or if it actually ever will. I lost my first baby at 18 years old. I was 10 weeks into my pregnancy and me and my husband (fiancé at the time) we’re BEYOND excited to find out the gender. From the start of my pregnancy I was passing out and my health was really bad and I was in the back of an ambulance a lot and in MANY hospitals. I seen my baby’s heart beat for the first time ever and It was the best thing in the whole world knowing I had something so magical growing inside of me. Two weeks later I ended back in the hospital I was 10 weeks pregnant exactly. They did a sonogram and I knew something was wrong. No one said anything to me...the lady doing my sonogram wouldn’t even make eye contact with me...I knew something was wrong with my baby...they wheeled me back to my room where my husband was waiting for me and we sat in complete silence for what seemed like a life time until the doctor came in and told me they didn’t find a heart beat on our baby and that our baby only measured 8 weeks. My heart broke. Tears instantly rolled down my face and I was in complete panic and grabbed my phone to call my mom to tell her but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want anyone touching me anymore. I wanted out of that hospital immediately. They didn’t want to discharge me because my heart rate was super low but I discharged myself and doctors were running up to me offering counseling and therapy and someone to talk to and it was all too much to soon... I immediately went to a different hospital because I was in denial and couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t want to accept the reality that my baby was gone. The hospital after that confirmed that my baby had no heart beat and i watched them flat line it on the sonogram screen. As soon as I got back to the hospital room I made eye contact with me mom and dad and I completely broke down....October 14th two weeks later I had a D&C to have my baby removed from my body. October 14th.... almost 3 months later I’m still not okay...I’m still not at peace...I’m still not myself...I’m told things happen for a reason but what was the reason....does it ever honestly get better?...