How you finally get your sh*t together

Which of these words sound better to you?

"There is nothing that I can change" or "Let's see what the alternatives are"
"Thats just how I am" or "I can choose another method"
"I have to do this" or "I will choose a fitting answer"
"I can't" or "I choose"
"If..., then..." or "I will"

All the second options sound better, am I right? Yes all of the first sentences are what I call "reactive". For every impulse in your emotions, there is a reaction. I will tell you the secret right away: You have the freedom to choose between impulse and reaction.

It is called proactivity. All the second sentences are oriented by proactivity. Proactive people are directed by values. The essence is to put your value above your reaction. Reactive people are led by their emotions, conditions and their environment. Reactive People are feeling bad when the weather is bad and they are feeling good when the weather is good. Proactive People have their own weather. There is no difference between good and bad weather. They are motivated by their highly thought-out values.

It is hard to accept this fact. Especially when we have always blamed another person or a condition for our situation. But as long as you can't truly say "What I am today, is the result of my decisions from yesterday", then you can't say "I am going to choose another way".

If you are hurt or were hut by someone or something. If you have experienced sadness, disappointment or "pain", then let me tell you: It doesn't matter WHAT hurt us, it does matter HOW we react to it. Of course you can get hurt physically. But think about it. Our most difficult experiences are the ones that shaped us the most. Please think of anyone who is living under extreme circumstances, who is strongly disabled but still has an enormous emotional strength. Nothing has a stronger impact on others than someone who transcended his pain and now represents a value that inspires life and raises its quality.

To take responsibility doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive or uncomfortable. It means to accept our responsibility for the things that are happening. A lot of people always hope that there will happen something in their life or that someone takes care of them. But the ones who are proactive, are the solution to the problem and not the problem itself. They take responsibility and do whatever it takes to solve the problem, always in harmony with their principles.

The difference between reactive and proactive people is like the difference between day and night. The difference of their effectivity is around 5000% and above. If you are always waiting that the others will do something, you will always be a reactive person.

There are 3 types of problems. Direct problems which are affected by our behavior. Indirect Problems which are affected by the behavior of other people. And problems which we cannot change like the past or some realities. Direct Problems are solved by changing our habits. Indirect problems are solved by our influential methods. What we can do for the problems that are impossible to solve is the following: Smile and accept these problems calmly and live with them, even when we don't like these problems. With this method we don't give problems the power to control us. Our Ability to influence our way to handle problems is always in our sphere of influence.

When you always say that you are not responsible for the problems with your girlfriend/wife, then you put yourself in the role of the victim. You put yourself into a lower position where you cannot move. If you want to change the situation, then try to change something, where you are in full control - yourself. You can stop to try to change your girlfriend/wife and work on your own weaknesses. BE a better listener, BE a more lovely partner, BE a good student, BE a motivated entrepreneur. The most pro active thing to do is sometimes just to smile! To be happy is just like to be unhappy, it is a proactive decision.

Accept your failures, correct it and learn from it. This is success. "If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate." said T.J. Watson, the founder of IBM. To not accept a failure, not correct it and not learn from it, is another type of failure. This will blind yourself. It is much better to take action directly. Our reaction to a failure affects the quality of the next moment. You need to take over the power of the next moment.

Set yourself some little goals for the next 30 days and try to achieve them. You have to understand that these goals are liabilities that you created by yourself. This is real growth! It shows you that you can make promises to yourself and fulfill them too. The promise and the fulfillment underlines that we are well aware of the possibility to determine our lives. This is one of the essential habits for proactivity and real effectivity and how you finally get your life together.

Thanks for reading!