What is the Concept of Self-Sabotage and How Does it Affect Our Mindset?

in mindset •  3 months ago

Hello, dear Steemians!

There is a dangerous tendency among a group of particular people that I want to address in today’s blog post. Nowadays, the concept of self-sabotage is not a strange thing to hear.

Self-sabotage is a hazardous mentality that can leave you with a ruined life, where every slight of joy descends to a state of agony and fear, and where every drop of happiness is paid with the piety of our constant need for pain.

These words might have eerily confused you, but this phenomenon is more common that you would care to imagine.


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What is self-sabotage? It is not strange to believe that human beings are constantly in search of happiness and tranquility.

Their contentment is measured by their expectations of how the world should treat them and how well they should do in their own personal life.

But a lot of us often deliberately do things that may not be in our best interest. We burn down the bridges behind us, destroy our relationships, and do things that we know are harmful to our personal and social health.

All the while, we know that acting in such drastic ways is not in any way good for us.

We push people away and destroy the possibility of healthy relationships before they are even started. We leave people, before they have a chance to leave us.


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How do you justify this tendency?

What inner force compels some of us to act like this and do things that are not good for us?

This is the idea known as self-sabotage.

A lot of people are afflicted with behavior like this. They might not even know why they are doing it, but it is a factual ascertainable mentality in today’s society.

The main reason behind self-sabotage is our longing for pain. As said earlier, human beings are naturally attracted to things that are either beautiful or make them happy. All their lives, they are seeking happiness and joy, little do they know that their nature speaks of something other than that.

We have known pain, ever since we were small children. We have understood that as this is a life of joy and happiness, it is also one of suffering and pain.


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So, we are constantly seeking that pain over and over again. For some of us, it is the only true thing that we have ever known.

Take a look at pessimistic people and how they approach their lives.

They are always thinking of worst-case scenarios in every situation. When asked why, they simply claim that thinking of the worst possible outcome will not leave them with emptiness and disappointment.

For them, hope is like the Achilles’ Heel that will eventually destroy them if they allow its existence in their minds.


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The same could be said about self-sabotage. When you make sure that you ruin your opportunities, life cannot surprise you again.

To be hopeful is to understand that nothing is ever absolute, and anything is possible. You have as much chance succeeding as you have failing.

For some people, it is difficult to understand the truth of that fact. They simply prefer to ruin their chances, because they can do it with utter certainty.

That way, they always have control on what happens to their life. For these people, the idea of unimaginable is almost unbearable.

Come to solitude and peace with yourself. Life is difficult, and pain is inevitable. But you should never be afraid of it. Embrace your opportunities, and accept the truth of fate and chance.

This way, you may not be in control of what life has in store for you, but you will always be happier and more satisfied with who you are and what you are doing, as opposed to constantly and deliberately missing your opportunities and burning down your bridges because the truth might seem unfair.

A BIG HUG!

@chbartist

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Attention!!!

I'm reading all the meaningful comments from the posts.

I am here making a list of all of you who have helped build this community by voting for each other who write meaningful comments and soon I will respond to everyone with comment and thank you all because I can already see this spirit being built in this Positive Mindset community and help between all of you.

You will receive my upvote in all material and brief comments I will do this in all the posts I am following very closely and I can see what the people who are generous and contribute to this legacy that I am trying to build with all of you can become reality in a short time.

AND

First of all, I would like to thank all of you, who are the most active and proactive in this community, showing your generosity and always with meaningful comments. From now on I will always make a list of these incredible people who have helped to expand our goal of growing ever more.

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Excellent review @chbartist and you are right, the sabotage itself is a very insidious and destructive thing. We all wish for happiness and on our way there will always be difficulties and problems, but we should never miss the opportunity to become happier, no matter how hard it will be and we need to achieve our goal!

El miedo al qué pasará, nos lleva a "arruinar" algunas cosas antes de que comiencen... El miedo a sentir dolor, hace que algunas personas busquen ellas mismas hacerse sufrir, para que "duela menos". Pero no se dan cuenta de que se están perdiendo de vivir lo maravilloso de la vida.. Que es poder arriesgarse a tener algo mejor, a disfrutar cada segundo sin pensar que malo puede pasar después, solo dejando que las cosas fluyan... Que la vida nos sorprenda... Siempre va a ver un poco de tristeza en cada sonrisa y un poco de alegría en cada lágrima, y eso es la vida, no es fácil, pero vale la pena vivirla.

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Eso es cierto, el miedo paraliza, o también impulsa en determinados casos pero yo voto por el pensamiento de que una persona se siga así misma (sin compararse con otra con mejor o menor éxito en la vida). Es la comparación lo que puede originar el autosabotaje. El querer seguir formas de vida y comportamiento ajenos. Es mejor ser uno mismo con todas las limitaciones y ventajas que implica serlo, y que venga la autosuperacion por cosa de voluntad propia.

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miedo a que me dejen y dejar primero para no sentir dolor, me siento un poco identificada

Dear @chbartist
In society there are some distorted mindset people who are angry with themselves. Such people are either disappointed with the failures in life or are victim of misconception, which makes them engage in self-destructive activities. As we all know, the path of life is very difficult. Grief and troubles are an indispensable part of life, then why do not we fight them bitterly? We need to recognize our existence and need to develop moral values ​​in life that protect us from the ideology of this method. Anyone who has understood the concept of value of life, escapes from these circumstances. And this is possible only when we are moving forward towards our goal with positive thinking and do not let negative thinking dominate us.
Thank you

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wao, it is hard to believe that there are people like that, so nice that it is to live a moment of happiness to the fullest and enjoy it. The things that have to happen, just happen but that obsession of wanting to control things through pessimism, I think it's a disease, because you can have control of things so you can live better and enjoy life more, avoid things that can be avoided, but you do not need to fall into pessimism or self-sabotage.

For some people, it is difficult to understand the truth of that fact. They simply prefer to ruin their chances, because they can do it with utter certainty.

I think It's human tendency and it becomes our of control.. as usual a nice post from you. Thanks @chbartist

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You hit it right on the nail. Some people, such as the old me, can be easily drawn to tragic. There is a false sense of being poetic and romantic from pain. The first thing people often choose to do when being upset is quit their job, putting themselves directly in a financial despair.

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Dear @chbartist

I am very pleased to be able to read and analyze this article.

Especially in my country Venezuela, hundreds of things happen in the day to day that produce that terrible outcome in the minds of thousands of people. Simply the most basic things for a human being have become extremely difficult, such as getting the daily sustenance for their homes. The lack of being able to have three basic meals is producing school absenteeism and, of course, severe malnutrition problems. The life of people has become a race just to get the basics to stay alive.

Among my group of friends in particular, I try to inject positivism, because we can not allow ourselves to invade our minds with these thoughts of self sabotage, which is precisely what produces having so many shortcomings in the day to day.

It is difficult for them to think that life is much more beautiful than what they are actually living.

I am sure that with the blessing and help of God first, we will soon be able to breathe another air in these latitudes, and many will have the opportunity to transform their minds positively and help the new generations that are formed to build a better country every day.

A big hug!

I agree @chbartist on each and every point , I understood the meaning behind those heavy words, simply we should learn to stay happy and get going on our goals. And yes it's the journey that matters.

it is very successful what you have described here, there is a tendency to see what surrounds us in a negative way, and I can tell that in social media it is more common than in a personal way, thanks for sharing your knowledge with the community, please excuse my english.

The other side of self-sabotage is fear of failure leading you to just not try in the first place.

Do you think self-sabotage can come from low self esteem? The constant thought process that one deserves less or terrible things and hence knowingly or unknowingly destroys their lives?

Todos los caminos son lo mismo: no nos llevan a ninguna parte. Sin embargo, un camino sin corazón nunca es agradable.
Un camino con corazón resulta sencillo pues a un guerrero no le cuesta que le tome gusto; el recorrido se hace gozoso; mientras un hombre lo sigue, es uno con él. Sentirse importante lo hace a uno mas pesado, torpe y hasta banal. Para ser un guerrero se necesita ser liviano y fluido.
Todo el que quiera seguir el camino del guerrero ha de librarse de la compulsión de poseer cosas y de aferrarse a ellas.

Y no me aferro ya a nada, para así no tener nada que defender.
No tengo pensamientos, para así poder ver.
No temo ya a nada, para así poder acordarme
De mí.

This is an awesome view on this subject. However, I see sabotage as a result of some individuals being unable to manage their hurts of the past such that they pre-empt wrong things in an emerging relationship. This assumption leads to wrong actions and reactions.

We can avoid this with positive thoughts and optimism, in many cases we fail because we limit ourselves and in many cases we tend to look for guilty parties.

thanks @crbartist greetings from venezuela.

In my case (and I guess many others too) the idea of effort to achieve what you want is a real trouble.

When I'm on a placid state, being happy, an alarm turns on in my mind: "wait! It supous to be hard"

If you win this challenge, you will see that the life can be really easy!!!

We have to deside what is good and what is wrong for ourself...nice blogg bro @chbartist

you are right, the sabotage itself is a very insidious and destructive thing. but we should never miss the opportunity to become happier, Siempre va a ver un poco de tristeza en cada sonrisa y un poco de alegría en cada lágrima, thanks for the post ti may change aur mind

There is no doubt that we have as many opportunities to lose, the opportunities to win are the same, so we should strive constantly and sometimes we will get success.

Oh yes @chbartist, a very good motivation and I agree with you that sabotaging the chances that are given to us to change your life for the better is not the right thing. Our Life is short and we are simply obligated in spite of numerous problems to go ahead to do everything to put our dreams into reality!

I think that is a tedanency.
They decided and deliberately prevent it being successful.

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As lucylin says the rate of failure if it can be higher but I think it's our fault. We are influenced, that leads us to try to get the dreams of other people and as we are not sure of it because it is not ours we destroy it out of fear. For me you're right, @chbartist, a change of mentality would make the statistics different and we would be happier.
regards

Saludos @chbartist! Hay personas que tienden a desarrollar un sistema de creencias que pueden ser interpretadas como auto sabotaje.

En estas personas la felicidad tiene un precio, que a veces es alto, y difícil de pagar, por lo cual tienden a mantenerse alejadas de la felicidad.

En realidad se trata de encontrar el entorno adecuado para cada quien, en el cual la persona se pueda desarrollar de manera plena, esto sin la necesidad de llegar a ser ente auto destructivo.

Feliz día.

Great work! Thanks once again @chbartist I miss your presence for a while. Sabotaging brings disparity of love and unity among friends, families co-workers and partners.

@chbartist we should make our mind in that a way that we don't get depressed

I hope pain will make us learn and improve our lives, not to make us week and depress.
When we're wounded, we feel pain and uncomfortable. We want instant remedy and cure. We don't want to feel the pain.
I guess at some point in our lives, let us try to feel the pain and be mindful of it of what it can do in our physical, mental and spiritual development.

Excellent writing, craziness, disappointment, failing to achieve something make people out of control their normal lives, only way to be safe is what you have to be satisfied with that. Thanks for your excellent post.

Sir I think this is a dangerous mentality for self and others.
Sometimes self substage very difficult to understand .
Follow your dreams value and believe your self and keep your eyes only your goals.
Don't give up.
Never say never.

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This is often an impact of demotivation and fatigue as we often feel “unlucky” due to our situations and the external factors that surround us. The important issue to consider is to establish a positive mindset with a strong foundation of support to move forward with your goals!

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We glance around and see what other individuals are doing and make suppositions that it is the thing that we ought to do also. We see or hear notices for personal growth programs that are pushing a perfect that we receive and take in as our own. It very well may be anything but difficult to get somewhat lost and overpowered in the majority of this but, regardless of how much time we are spending on personal growth, feel like we are failing to do enough
@chbartist

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@chbartist, This piece gave me a new perspective for sure. Stay blessed.

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As Paul said. Romans 7:15 15

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Estoy de acuerdo contigo, es cierto.

Hay personas que solo ven las dificultades de la vida, y por ende, sienten más dolor que los demás, porque pareciera que buscan ese dolor.

Se quejan de todas las situaciones que se le presentan, aunque alguna sea positiva, siempre se van por el lado de la obstrucción.

ESTÁN VIVIENDO DE LAMENTOS EN LAMENTOS. SE LAMENTAN DE LA SITUACIÓN EN QUE VIVEN, aunque , ello esté fuera de su decisión.

Y cuando se le presenta una oportunidad, no lo ven como ese camino para seguir adelante, no lo aprovechan como esa oportunidad que Dios le ha dado para salir del hoyo en que han caído.
Lo digo con propiedad porque tengo un hijo que está viviendo esa circunstancia.

Tenemos el problema político en el país. Pero debemos afrontar lo que vivimos y superar el obtaculo que diariamente se nos presenta.
Mi hijo solo se queja, se lamenta y no lucha.
Yo siento mucha pena por él.

To be hopeful is to understand that nothing is ever absolute, and anything is possible.

Some things are absolute. Some thing are impossible.

It is impossible to destroy energy...This is an absolute.

You have as much chance succeeding as you have failing.

All statistics of virtually any endevour say that the failure rate is higher than success rate ... ergo you do not have as much chance of succeeding, as of failing.
Mathematically speaking.

For some people, it is difficult to understand the truth of that fact.

These thing are not facts, and you are incorrect.

Sorry.

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Excellent review @chbartist

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I like your post. This post has affected psychology in many ways in many ways. Thank you

wau, interesante la informacion, sigue asi.

OH THANKS

Este verano he estado trabajando de ayudante en la prision y hemos entrenado a los presos en técnicas de control emocional y conductual, ya que la mayor parte de las personas que se sabotean a si mismas en porque no tienen las estrategias necesarias para cambiar, y aunque las tuvieran por miedo o por confort no las cambian. Muy buena reflexión

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Hi @chbartist, what a nice post! I believe that everyone is responsible for everything happening in their lives. Everyone see life with different eyes. When someone is used to self-sabotage, all the options over the table won´t ever be enough to satisfy his/her expectations. Maybe, that kind of people need someone who can show them that not everything have to be as bad as they think, and show them that many positive things may result from those situations that might seem bad at the beginning.

Very good post bro!

Truth is, at the end of the day, in this life, we are all alone. And this is a constant you can trust.

Hey @chbartist

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This sounds so real. We learn everyday. Understanding people is more complex each day. I come from where every opportunity or chance obtained is held and utilized. Thanks for sharing.

Congratulations @chbartist!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade in the following category:

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@chbartist Excellent words, Thank you for sharing them in the community.

Creo que es una tendencia humana y se convierte en nuestro control. Como de costumbre, una bonita publicación tuya. Gracias

identificada

Agreed 99%, because with the current extreme number of contacts in social networks, media, etc.., some of the bridges should/may be burned.

Our brain as humans have a limited amount of healthy memory dedicated to social interactions, it's estimated that for healthy relationships we should have ~150 'intimate' people max., else, we risk confusing the brain and actually end up connecting with all the wrong people, self-sabotaging creating unhealthy relationships, but can it be avoided in this age? That I'll leave everyone decide by themselves..

Thank You for another amazing post, cheers mate

You have written very well, sir, the reason for our misery is not our needs, our desires.It is necessary, sometimes it gets fulfilled. But wishes, no one has ever been fulfilled till today.To fulfill one wish As soon as it happens, the desire for the second desire gets awakened in the mind. And this sequence keeps going in this way. Our sorrows do not end. We need to control our desires very much.

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My biggest concern here is the impact this kind of mindset and behavior has on not just the person who is self sabotaging but those nearest to them. From personal experience I’ve had to cut off someone so close to me because his very dire outlook on life started to creep into my space and it took me a long time to understand that some people cannot be helped and as much as it will hurt to cut them out of your life, it is healthier for you in the long run.

Thank you for sharing this was quite an insightful post.

I think everyone probably does this to a degree or at least has done it, but continuously is obviously extremely destructive. It can be exhausting also being around a constantly pessimistic person. I used to dwell on things for a long time, but I was able to shift away from that and thus became far more positive. Pain can be a fantastic motivator (if you use it as such) but continuous self-defeat is harmful should be dealt with! Great post - I’ll be looking in on here more often (I’m new to Steemit)

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My ex was studying psychology and working with patients at the time we were together. His method to deal with pessimism was to "ignore inappropriate behavior." So when the person keeps talking about how bad things are, you continually ask them things like, "What can you do to improve this?" Or "How can you avoid this in the future?" Any question related to personal responsibility and action will help.

So that was many years ago, and I have used this trick a lot. I am never depressed and always see the bright side and better days coming. But I agree with you that being around naysayers is hard. When I start asking them these questions, they either improve or won't come near me at all :)